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Dubbaman

A few toke's a day.
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An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in back. It was properly
shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with a few picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and some apple and peach trees.



One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while to look it over. He
grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.



He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.One of the women shouted to him,
"We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked
or make you get out of the pond naked."



Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
 
hahahahahahahahaha thats soooo funny, scary for those girls lol, but it'll teach them not to swim on other people's property!!!! very very funny!!!
 
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own, and went to the lobby to
put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out
of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at
the
young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her
robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The
poor
kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to
my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him,
"What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm
and
solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the
best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered ...."Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming.........That was me."
 
Hung Chow calls into
work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache,
stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes
everything better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great.
I be at work soon..... You got nice house.'
 
My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! ..........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said, Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

bull 1.JPG


bull 2.JPG


bull 3.JPG


ouch.JPG
 
Reminds me of a supposedly true story about US President Calvin Coolidge, a man of few words nicknamed "Silent Cal". He and the First Lady (who talked enough for both of them) were at a County fair and were viewing the poultry exhibits. Silent Cals wife had a conversation with a poultry farmer about roosters, and upon asking, was told that a rooster was capable of breeding 6 or 7 times a day. She replied "Tell the President" which the farmer did. Silent Cal says "Same Hen?" The farmer "No, Mr. President, a different hen each time. Silent Cal: "Tell the First Lady."
 
Dusty Underwear"

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a
comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.

'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into
the bathroom...

'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker...
'It's not talcum powder...... It's 'Miracle Grow.'........
 
RETIREMENT PLANNING FOR 2008
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling - - REFUND, You would have had $214.00.
So, based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
 
Haha wasup DUbbz, Very funny thread man, Keep on writing em LOL.
"'It's not talcum powder...... It's 'Miracle Grow.'........" Haha too funny...
 
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?"She asked.
"Hunting Flies"He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?"She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked."How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can,2 were on the phone."
 
The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and
putting both legs behind her head, yoga style.

The second old woman thought that this was a great idea, so that night when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed; she got totally naked and began the process of putting her legs behind her head.

The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic. However, she finally got it in place.

She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.

However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air. It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.


'Gladys!' he exclaimed.' For heaven¹s sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in .... You look like an arsehole.'
 

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