FUNNY of the DAY..

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mAKo BuDz

Rollin' Stoned
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Feel free to post your own FUNNY of the DAY,
I posted this in another thread so some of you might of already read it but its still good for a laugh.

It has been reported that an employee for Ansett Australia (Airlines), who happened to have the last name of Gay, got on a plane recently using the company's 'Free Flight' offer for staff. However, when Mr Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a fare paying passenger.

So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat. Unknown to Mr Gay another Ansett flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this flight were being re-routed to various other airplanes.
A few were put on Mr Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a 'free' ticket was being 'bumped'. Ansett officials, armed with a list of these 'freebee' ticket holders boarded the plane, as is the practice, to remove them in favour of fare paying passengers. Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr Gay was supposed to be sitting, she asked a startled customer "Are you gay?" The man, shyly nodded that he was at which point she demanded: "Then you have to get off the plane." Mr Gay, overhearing what the agent had said, tried to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man. I'm Gay!". This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell! I'm gay too! They can't kick us all off!".

Confusion reined as more and more passengers began yelling that Ansett had no right to remove gays from their flights.

It is reported that Ansett have refused to comment on the incident.

:rofl:
 
Anyone else got a funny to share??

nun-bong.jpg
 
Whats the capital of Iceland?

About $3.50!

Whats the definition of optimism?

A banker ironing 5 shirts on a sunday night!

What the difference between a banker and a pigeon?

A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari!
 
mAKo BuDz said:
Feel free to post your own FUNNY of the DAY,
I posted this in another thread so some of you might of already read it but its still good for a laugh.

It has been reported that an employee for Ansett Australia (Airlines), who happened to have the last name of Gay, got on a plane recently using the company's 'Free Flight' offer for staff. However, when Mr Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a fare paying passenger.

So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat. Unknown to Mr Gay another Ansett flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this flight were being re-routed to various other airplanes.
A few were put on Mr Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a 'free' ticket was being 'bumped'. Ansett officials, armed with a list of these 'freebee' ticket holders boarded the plane, as is the practice, to remove them in favour of fare paying passengers. Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr Gay was supposed to be sitting, she asked a startled customer "Are you gay?" The man, shyly nodded that he was at which point she demanded: "Then you have to get off the plane." Mr Gay, overhearing what the agent had said, tried to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man. I'm Gay!". This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell! I'm gay too! They can't kick us all off!".

Confusion reined as more and more passengers began yelling that Ansett had no right to remove gays from their flights.

It is reported that Ansett have refused to comment on the incident.

:rofl:


LMFAO


and as for the fat chick in the car ill pass and ride a bike lol
 
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
 
Two potato chips walk in to a bar,one male the other female.
mean while another female potato chip was checking them out.
The female potato chip goes to the restroom.
the other female potato chip approaches the male potato chip and ask
are you herr's or frito-lay.
 
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. :rofl:
 
A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' . With the
worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the
letter.

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and
you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I
knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's
not only the passion...... Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be
very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more ch ildren. Stacy
has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that
live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that
science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm
sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Jon

P. S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home ...
 
2 muffin's are baking in the oven when one muffin says "damn, it's hot in here"...the other muffin replies,"holy $&!*" !!!!! a talking muffin !!!!!
 
tesla said:
A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' . With the
worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the
letter.

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and
you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I
knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's
not only the passion...... Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be
very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more ch ildren. Stacy
has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that
live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that
science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm
sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Jon

P. S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home ...



:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
A police officer pulls behind a car who attempts to run. When the driver finally pulls over the cop says to him, "If you can give me an excuse i consider good, that i've never heard before i'll let you go free."
The man replies,"My wife just left me for a cop, I thought you were trying to bring her back."
 
HAHAHAHA, good work guys they are all funny as, keep them coming..
 
Magic D!ck..
A man on his way home from work is killed in a car accident and his wife has to go identify the body, when she gets to the morgue, she is asked if its her husband and the wife sobs "yes", she is given his personal belongings, "what about his magic d!ck" she yells, everyone in the room thought she was in shock so the left her to have a few minutes alone, after leaving the morgue, the wife is driving down the road and statrts to get upset, really missing her husband, she unzips her bag and says "magic d!ck, mouth" and the magic d!ck jumps up and straight into her mouth, getting caught up in the moment she nearly crashes the car, so she puts the magic d!ck back in her bag, after a few miles she starts to get upset again, so she says "magic d!ck *****" and again the magic d!ck jumps up and straight into her *****, a nearby police car see's her swerving all over the road and pulls her over, the cop asks why she was all over the road, the wife tells the cop she was playing with her magic d!ck, the cop looked at her and said "magic d!ck my arse"...
 
20 CHUCK NORRIS FACTS..
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face.

-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

-A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.


-Chuck Norris once taught a class called "*** Kicking 101". There were no survivors.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

-Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

-Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

-Some kids p!ss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can p!ss his name in concrete.

-Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

- In the fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
 
"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.
One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot."
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those as*h#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*k'ng sheet rock..."
 
Apple Computers announced today the release of an electronic chip that can be implanted in a woman's breast and play music.

The i-Tit will cost £399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough as women are always moaning that men just stare at their tits and never listen to them.
 
A blind man, with a seeing eye dog at his side, walks into his local grocery store. He walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who up until this point thought he had seen it all, thinks this is quite strange. So he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and asks, “Pardon me. May I help you with something?”
The blind man replies, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.”
 

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