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Old 09-30-2017, 07:31 AM   #1
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Default Depression and cannabis

I have never been diagnosed as being depressed but I know in my heart of hearts that I am clinically depressed and have been since I was a child. In my adult life, I have thought of ending it all pretty regularly but I don't for a number of reasons. The biggest reason at this point in my life is the people who depend on me(including my wife, my kids and my canine son). There is also that I consider it to be a weak way out and I don't want to be weak( though I think me being depressed is kind of weak). I have a good job that I dread going to that pays me more than I am worth. I have a wife and kids that love me. I have a nice, modest home. I have toys I enjoy like my musical instruments and my growing rigs. I know a lot of folks would give an arm or a leg for a life like mine and I don't really have a reason to be depressed but I am. I cope pretty well though when I am on my regular schedule. I just bite the bullet when I am at work until I can get back home to the people/dog/activities that make me able to cope. But I am out of the country now and in a country that will jail me if I partake in the medicine that unbeknownced to me has been evening out the lows for me for quite some time. Taiwans cannabis laws are draconian. I have not even tried to cop anything here and today, I am crashing hard. I did some searches and it looks like cannabonoids and their influence on emotions are being studied and are showing promise that they do in fact have positive effects on depression. I always thought I just enjoyed the feeling of a mild buzz and the analgesic properties of my brownies. However, the longer I am cannabis free, the more depressed I feel. I nearly broke down in the middle of Taipei today and had to hightail it back to my hotel room for some alone time. This is not a cry for help. I will be able to make it to the end of this business trip though my morbid sense of humor combined with an open 11th floor balcony and my failing grow are testing my will, I will persevere. I am just blown away by my personal experience and how much cannabis helps me cope. Medical researchers may point out that I am alone in an unfamiliar place. This is true. I am also without my usual drinking buddy but I have traveled the last 2 trips without him. One trip I had another old friend with me but found I was really depressed on that trip as well. The other trip however was to the Netherlands. I found a source of comfort my first day there even though I was far away from Amsterdam and it is harder to find weed when you are not a local. On that trip, my depression was minimal. I had a drinking buddy on that trip but he gave me the creeps. He seemed to like young girls. So I don't think companionship, in my case, was a factor. This trip, I have no drinking buddy's, no cannabis, and no distractions of site seeing because the weather is unbearably oppressive. Stuck in my 11th floor hotel room/diving platform is testing my resolve but as I said, this is not a cry for help. It is an observation and one I wish I could share with researchers. Medical cannabis should be universally available for everyone everywhere. I am not someone you would look at and say 'that dude partakes'. I am someone that defends cannabis though when the subject comes up. I am a new convert though to the efficacy of cannabis as an anti-depressant. Thanks for reading and sorry if this was too depressing, or complaining or long or anything else bad...
Regards from the oldfogey8 in Taipei...
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Old 09-30-2017, 12:34 PM   #2
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Welcome to the club OF.

Depression and unhappiness are two different things.

A wife, children, home, etc (the things you mentioned) can bring about happiness or sadness but depression is a chemical imbalance in your system.

You can change the things that make you happy or sad (get a new wife or a better home) but there is nothing you can do about depression. They are very different, even though you seem to feel the same with both.

So, in my life, I have come to the realization that there are going to be times when I am depressed and there is nothing I can do about it until the chemistry balances again (fish oil is good for depression).

However, I have learned one thing..... the depression ALWAYS goes away. Oh sure, it comes back another day. But, when depression hits me, I just try to focus on the fact that it DEFINITELY is going to be gone tomorrow or the next day.

As for being unhappy, that is something you have to control yourself (better job, better wife, whatever).

Especially, without pot. We went on a cruise a few years back and I had to do without pot. My wife said I was mean, grumpy and pissed off the entire trip. LOL

So, you'll be home soon and it will probably all be different.

As for cannabis and depression.... I've been depressed for 65 years and been smoking pot 50 of those years. So, it's definitely not a cure.

Hey bud, it's really cool that you get to travel to the orient. That's always been one of my dreams. Maybe I'll go with you next time. LOL

Enjoy the local fare. Learn something about the culture and know that in a few days, you'll be home.. bored and ... well, happy. LOL
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Old 09-30-2017, 02:32 PM   #3
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OH OF, thank you for sharing this with us. When I got to a foreign country like West Virginia all I do is look for a joint somewhere. I even asked the mayors wife if she could hook me up. She said she would make a call, she got back to me and said we would all go to jail if we tried to score. Finally, at the end of 10 days i found a brother in law that would give me a joint.. it was a pinner, i mean, all paper. I am just telling you that we are addicted psychologically if we use as much as we do. It is ok.

Depression is so depressing. Our family all take antidepressants. Well, 3 out of 4 and the 4th should. My smart sister- in- law told me for her, a college professor, that the antidepressants just " level the playing field"

I agree with Hackerman that depression doesn't always last, but a suicide does. You, my friend, are cherished at home. Thank you again for sharing what you are going through. Next time take hackerman with you. Please stay safe, I kinda like you being here.
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Old 10-01-2017, 12:49 AM   #4
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Thanks Rose and Hack. I don't think I am addicted psychologically but that may be. From what I have read, the nervous system has some receptors called the endocannabinoid system which is linked to among other things mood and cannabinoid molecules fit into the receptors kind of like puzzle pieces. The body makes it own cannabinoids and I probably am not making the right kind or enough of them. My baked good supplement that. I can't recall being depressed or even too unhappy when I have my low grade buzz going. Mrs Fogey hit the nail on the head when she told me once that it is the same feeling as 'the 4th day at the beach'. It is a relaxed zen type of feeling and things that bother me without my proper cannabinoid 'profile' are no big deal with those receptors being satisfied. Hack - you are dead on in saying depression and unhappiness are 2 seoerate things. Being away from home I am both and being without my 4th day at the beach for 3 weeks is really not setting well with me. Add to that being alone with no work to keep my mind occupied and it is a confluence of crappy. I head back to work later today for 4 days so I am hopeful that will help. My next 3 day weekend I hope will not be as depressing because of the light at the end of the tunnel since I will be heading home soon after. Thanks again for the encouragement. As I said, my 'essay' was not a cry for help. It is sometimes just therapeutic to get it out there somewhat anonymously...
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Old 10-01-2017, 12:51 AM   #5
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Oh and Hack, I am sure it would be fun to travel with you. I am not coming back here though if I can help it. I hope you can make it to the orient but I have had my fill...
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Old 10-01-2017, 01:35 AM   #6
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One man's dream is another man's disaster.

Funny how life works, sometimes.
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Old 10-01-2017, 03:50 AM   #7
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You are spot on there. Some of my colleagues love it here. I might if I were not away from home so often. Drives Mrs Fogey nuts. She wants to get out of the house on days I am home and I look for excuses to not leave the house.
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Old 10-01-2017, 04:15 PM   #8
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OF, I'm not sure how computer savvy you are and I would never ask or recommend someone post pics from their phone unless they know how to strip the personal info from it but.......

I would love to see pics of where you are. Not sure if you posted where that is other than the orient but since you're there on business, I have to guess China or Korea. I don't know much about Korea but I have a couple friends who visit China all the time for business and they show my pics of totally cool stuff. Some shithole where they ate and the bathrooms were just a hole in the floor. Cool stuff like that. You just don't see that stuff on the Discovery Channel. LMAO

I was an architect for a few years and I love the old ancient building methods. I have been to Europe and seen a ton of stuff there but.... in the end, it's very much like ours in America.

However, the Oriental architecture is sooooooooo cool. Even Chinatown in SF made me rush. LOL Russian is pretty close but, nothing beats that old Oriental style.

Have fun today dude. I wish I were there. You're a lucky guy IMO.
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Old 10-01-2017, 05:23 PM   #9
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I know a bit about computers and used to strip location info from my pics before it became legal to grow in Massachusetts. Now I don't have to care. I am in Taiwan. I take a lot of pics so I will cull thru them and post some to this thread since it is mine even though they will have nothing to do with cannabis.
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Old 10-01-2017, 06:30 PM   #10
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some recent pics
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Old 10-01-2017, 07:05 PM   #11
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Totally awesome dude. Thanks. The third pic is such a classic example of their architecture. They really love the color red, don't they.

That last building is totally cool. Even their new skyscrapers look different than our new skyscrapers.

Is it just me or does that new skyscraper look a lot like the little plastic buildings in the old Godzilla movies? LMAO
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Old 10-02-2017, 12:19 AM   #12
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Yep. It is called Taipei 101. Tallest building in Asia for a while about 10 years ago. Costs $18 to go to the top. Not worth the money to me but I did it 4 or 5 years ago. They have a giant pendulum on display on the top bunch of floors to counteract wind and earthquake sway. Red is good luck here. Chinese New Year the whole city looks like a sea of red.
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