Cook-and-bong with stinky: unneccesarily complicated cornbread with pear -bacon-port jam

[stinkyattic]

Still in quarantine. Still going to work. Still fretting and pacing around the house. It's 9:30 pm est and I think I started this project around 5. It has kept me entertained, at least. And it's delish.
Thinly slice some bacon and very slowly render it in bacon fat. Which you have in a coffee can somewhere. If you don't have a can of bacon fat you might be a communist or something . Ask McCarthy if you made the unamerican list.
It should be swimming. On low. In the heaviest saucepan ever. This is a 1 quart Japanese cast iron enameled number I scored for a couple bucks at goodwill. Great for slowly cooking random stuff.

Seriously, swimming.
Oops I forgot the first step which is plopping a few pears in boiling water then ice water to shrink the skins

scrape the skins off with your thumbnail, and remove the seeds and core. Put aside.

 

[stinkyattic]

When your bacon is golden but not burnt, take it out with a slotted spoon and replace it in the pan with a minced onion

Oh no we need more bacon fat

That's better.
Antone who tells you you can caramelized onions in under 40 minutes is a lying liar. Low n slow n greasy. A pound of butter and a half dozen minced giant onions in a half sheet steam pan at 300 for a couple hours works too, if anyone remembers to stir them lol

 

[stinkyattic]

Onions are mostly but notcqyite done, take them out and let the fat run out.

Keep the fat aside, put the onions back in, and dump in the pears. Moosh them. Add some black pepper and port. Moosh moosh moosh.

 

[stinkyattic]

When it's cooked down and starring to stick, put the bacon back in and stir well, then take off the heat and cool.
Suddenly Dog wants to go outside.

 

[stinkyattic]

When it's just lukewarm, whisk in an egg. If it cooks, you done wrecked it, start over.

 

[stinkyattic]

Dump in a pack of jiffy corn muffin mix. And mix. Not a ton, just to wet it all.

Then add enough milk or whatever to make it as thick as oatmeal. But don't beat it up.

 

[stinkyattic]

All that extra fat - don't get rid of it yet. Put a heavy baking pan on the stove and toss in some grease. Also preheat the oven to 400. Pour yourbatter in the hot greasy pan than pop in the oven for a half hour

 

[stinkyattic]

It won't come put 100% cooked. Melt some more bacon fat on a flat skillet and fry that mofo like polenta. Goes great with weenies n blood pressure medication, and a cheap Bordeaux

I'm here to waste my own time so you don't have to : ) but this is very very tasty!

Ok gotta finish fixing my nails now bye

 

[umbra]

drool

 

[stinkyattic]

Texture is like a dense and toothy cake. There's sweetness from the pears and port plus saltiness from the bacon, and of course onion breath. Yass trogdor will burninate your whole village with one puff, peasant.

 

[burnin1]

Yum!

 

[hollowpoint]

Amazing...it could be at home for breakfast as well.

 

[stinkyattic]

Yup definitely great for breakfast, just checked lol
My not stoned morning self just smacked myself in the forehead for not saving some of the jam to spread on top, instead of putting ALL of it into the corn batter.
Also I think this recipe, with a tiny bit more milk to thin it, would be THE DANKNESS as pancakes.
Or for gluten intolerant folks, mix the jam into a polenta mush, set, and fry.
I'm making it again either way. Or all ways.