Depression and cannabis

oldfogey8

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I have never been diagnosed as being depressed but I know in my heart of hearts that I am clinically depressed and have been since I was a child. In my adult life, I have thought of ending it all pretty regularly but I don't for a number of reasons. The biggest reason at this point in my life is the people who depend on me(including my wife, my kids and my canine son). There is also that I consider it to be a weak way out and I don't want to be weak( though I think me being depressed is kind of weak). I have a good job that I dread going to that pays me more than I am worth. I have a wife and kids that love me. I have a nice, modest home. I have toys I enjoy like my musical instruments and my growing rigs. I know a lot of folks would give an arm or a leg for a life like mine and I don't really have a reason to be depressed but I am. I cope pretty well though when I am on my regular schedule. I just bite the bullet when I am at work until I can get back home to the people/dog/activities that make me able to cope. But I am out of the country now and in a country that will jail me if I partake in the medicine that unbeknownced to me has been evening out the lows for me for quite some time. Taiwans cannabis laws are draconian. I have not even tried to cop anything here and today, I am crashing hard. I did some searches and it looks like cannabonoids and their influence on emotions are being studied and are showing promise that they do in fact have positive effects on depression. I always thought I just enjoyed the feeling of a mild buzz and the analgesic properties of my brownies. However, the longer I am cannabis free, the more depressed I feel. I nearly broke down in the middle of Taipei today and had to hightail it back to my hotel room for some alone time. This is not a cry for help. I will be able to make it to the end of this business trip though my morbid sense of humor combined with an open 11th floor balcony and my failing grow are testing my will, I will persevere. I am just blown away by my personal experience and how much cannabis helps me cope. Medical researchers may point out that I am alone in an unfamiliar place. This is true. I am also without my usual drinking buddy but I have traveled the last 2 trips without him. One trip I had another old friend with me but found I was really depressed on that trip as well. The other trip however was to the Netherlands. I found a source of comfort my first day there even though I was far away from Amsterdam and it is harder to find weed when you are not a local. On that trip, my depression was minimal. I had a drinking buddy on that trip but he gave me the creeps. He seemed to like young girls. So I don't think companionship, in my case, was a factor. This trip, I have no drinking buddy's, no cannabis, and no distractions of site seeing because the weather is unbearably oppressive. Stuck in my 11th floor hotel room/diving platform is testing my resolve but as I said, this is not a cry for help. It is an observation and one I wish I could share with researchers. Medical cannabis should be universally available for everyone everywhere. I am not someone you would look at and say 'that dude partakes'. I am someone that defends cannabis though when the subject comes up. I am a new convert though to the efficacy of cannabis as an anti-depressant. Thanks for reading and sorry if this was too depressing, or complaining or long or anything else bad...
Regards from the oldfogey8 in Taipei...
 

Hackerman

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Welcome to the club OF.

Depression and unhappiness are two different things.

A wife, children, home, etc (the things you mentioned) can bring about happiness or sadness but depression is a chemical imbalance in your system.

You can change the things that make you happy or sad (get a new wife or a better home) but there is nothing you can do about depression. They are very different, even though you seem to feel the same with both.

So, in my life, I have come to the realization that there are going to be times when I am depressed and there is nothing I can do about it until the chemistry balances again (fish oil is good for depression).

However, I have learned one thing..... the depression ALWAYS goes away. Oh sure, it comes back another day. But, when depression hits me, I just try to focus on the fact that it DEFINITELY is going to be gone tomorrow or the next day.

As for being unhappy, that is something you have to control yourself (better job, better wife, whatever).

Especially, without pot. We went on a cruise a few years back and I had to do without pot. My wife said I was mean, grumpy and pissed off the entire trip. LOL

So, you'll be home soon and it will probably all be different.

As for cannabis and depression.... I've been depressed for 65 years and been smoking pot 50 of those years. So, it's definitely not a cure.

Hey bud, it's really cool that you get to travel to the orient. That's always been one of my dreams. Maybe I'll go with you next time. LOL

Enjoy the local fare. Learn something about the culture and know that in a few days, you'll be home.. bored and ... well, happy. LOL
 

Rosebud

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OH OF, thank you for sharing this with us. When I got to a foreign country like West Virginia all I do is look for a joint somewhere. I even asked the mayors wife if she could hook me up. She said she would make a call, she got back to me and said we would all go to jail if we tried to score. Finally, at the end of 10 days i found a brother in law that would give me a joint.. it was a pinner, i mean, all paper. I am just telling you that we are addicted psychologically if we use as much as we do. It is ok.

Depression is so depressing. Our family all take antidepressants. Well, 3 out of 4 and the 4th should. My smart sister- in- law told me for her, a college professor, that the antidepressants just " level the playing field"

I agree with Hackerman that depression doesn't always last, but a suicide does. You, my friend, are cherished at home. Thank you again for sharing what you are going through. Next time take hackerman with you. Please stay safe, I kinda like you being here.
 

oldfogey8

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Thanks Rose and Hack. I don't think I am addicted psychologically but that may be. From what I have read, the nervous system has some receptors called the endocannabinoid system which is linked to among other things mood and cannabinoid molecules fit into the receptors kind of like puzzle pieces. The body makes it own cannabinoids and I probably am not making the right kind or enough of them. My baked good supplement that. I can't recall being depressed or even too unhappy when I have my low grade buzz going. Mrs Fogey hit the nail on the head when she told me once that it is the same feeling as 'the 4th day at the beach'. It is a relaxed zen type of feeling and things that bother me without my proper cannabinoid 'profile' are no big deal with those receptors being satisfied. Hack - you are dead on in saying depression and unhappiness are 2 seoerate things. Being away from home I am both and being without my 4th day at the beach for 3 weeks is really not setting well with me. Add to that being alone with no work to keep my mind occupied and it is a confluence of crappy. I head back to work later today for 4 days so I am hopeful that will help. My next 3 day weekend I hope will not be as depressing because of the light at the end of the tunnel since I will be heading home soon after. Thanks again for the encouragement. As I said, my 'essay' was not a cry for help. It is sometimes just therapeutic to get it out there somewhat anonymously...
 

oldfogey8

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Oh and Hack, I am sure it would be fun to travel with you. I am not coming back here though if I can help it. I hope you can make it to the orient but I have had my fill...
 

Hackerman

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One man's dream is another man's disaster.

Funny how life works, sometimes. :)
 

oldfogey8

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You are spot on there. Some of my colleagues love it here. I might if I were not away from home so often. Drives Mrs Fogey nuts. She wants to get out of the house on days I am home and I look for excuses to not leave the house.
 

Hackerman

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OF, I'm not sure how computer savvy you are and I would never ask or recommend someone post pics from their phone unless they know how to strip the personal info from it but.......

I would love to see pics of where you are. Not sure if you posted where that is other than the orient but since you're there on business, I have to guess China or Korea. I don't know much about Korea but I have a couple friends who visit China all the time for business and they show my pics of totally cool stuff. Some shithole where they ate and the bathrooms were just a hole in the floor. Cool stuff like that. You just don't see that stuff on the Discovery Channel. LMAO

I was an architect for a few years and I love the old ancient building methods. I have been to Europe and seen a ton of stuff there but.... in the end, it's very much like ours in America.

However, the Oriental architecture is sooooooooo cool. Even Chinatown in SF made me rush. LOL Russian is pretty close but, nothing beats that old Oriental style.

Have fun today dude. I wish I were there. You're a lucky guy IMO.
 

oldfogey8

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I know a bit about computers and used to strip location info from my pics before it became legal to grow in Massachusetts. Now I don't have to care. I am in Taiwan. I take a lot of pics so I will cull thru them and post some to this thread since it is mine even though they will have nothing to do with cannabis.
 

Hackerman

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Totally awesome dude. Thanks. The third pic is such a classic example of their architecture. They really love the color red, don't they.

That last building is totally cool. Even their new skyscrapers look different than our new skyscrapers.

Is it just me or does that new skyscraper look a lot like the little plastic buildings in the old Godzilla movies? LMAO
 

oldfogey8

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Yep. It is called Taipei 101. Tallest building in Asia for a while about 10 years ago. Costs $18 to go to the top. Not worth the money to me but I did it 4 or 5 years ago. They have a giant pendulum on display on the top bunch of floors to counteract wind and earthquake sway. Red is good luck here. Chinese New Year the whole city looks like a sea of red.
 

orangesunshine

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:) i would get verrry depressed and anxious if my stash were to ever run low
 

Cannapot1

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There are many treatments currently available, including oral medications and different therapies. Researchers are beginning to explore medicinal marijuana as an additional treatment. Marijuana has also been linked with other mental health conditions. If you’re at a high risk of psychosis, it’s important to know that marijuana may trigger schizophrenia or psychosis.
 

Pagan

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Another old fogey here, your post reminded me of my last few years in England, when I was frequently very low.
What worked for me, was joining a charity and going at it full tilt. I trained as a Samaritan, a help-line for the suicidal, and spent three of the best years of my life feeling that I was at last a useful member of society. I got much more out of it than I feel I put in -- and learned a great deal. (It was where I learned my unfathomable respect and admiration for old ladies).

Next I worked for another three years as a collector for Tools For Self-Reliance, sending tools to collectives in Africa. That was a blast, and most of my blacksmithing tools went that way too. Both of these ventures brought me into contact with people and organisations I would not have encountered otherwise, and they sustained me until I was able to escape, at last, to the sanity of the Spanish mountains.
I hope you find something to put the spice back into Life, my advice is DO SOMETHING HARD.
 

leafminer

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The question I have, is are you bipolar? This is characterised by cycles of mania/depression. I was bipolar until in my early 20s then my brain was reprogrammed by my first acid trip and after that I was OK.
 

Surfer Joe

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The question I have, is are you bipolar? This is characterised by cycles of mania/depression. I was bipolar until in my early 20s then my brain was reprogrammed by my first acid trip and after that I was OK.
I did a lot of acid in college about 50 years ago, and I think that the experience sort of inoculated me against depression. Whenever felt really down or like things were overwhelming, I still felt a certain detachment because I knew that it would change after a while and it felt more like looking out a window on a dreary winter day but knowing that spring was coming again.
Whether it was the mental insights while tripping or changes in my chemical balance, the result of doing all that acid was a degree of internal serenity and awarenesss and patience with my own feelings when they turned negative.
I read that they are starting to look at psychedelics as a treatment for mental problems, so maybe there's something to it.
 

Shiloh

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A reset as it were. My, I it has lasted you a long time!
 

leafminer

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A reset as it were. My, I it has lasted you a long time!
I became a different person. I remember my pre-acid life as if it were someone else. It was a massive trip. 14 hours. Owsley acid, 400 micrograms. I still can't imagine where my guide obtained that in 1972, in the UK. And he had already been doing a lot of it. He told me that he saw flowers growing out of walls. (Inside the house!)
 

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