Ever had your nut sac stuck in a rifle barrel?

Alasgun

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I first had this over on my "theres more to life than weed " post then thought it probably needed its own space, enjoy.

All right, here we go. If your not a gun person thats ok, read this and enjoy the humor!
Back in the early 70's i lived and worked out of Odessa Texas at a machine shop that was out of town a little ways. There were no close neighbors and we were able to ride dirt bikes AND shoot on the property without any issues. On this particular day i'd been firing a black powder rifle during my noon break which necessitated a good cleaning as soon as i got home that evening.
Being a left brain man, i concocted a plan, a lazy plan that would get the gun clean with little effort on my part.
I decided i'd bathe rather than shower nen when i'se done id toss the rifle barrel (which had been dissasembled from the gun) in to the bath water to soak while i ate my supper.
Well, i gathered up the necessary supplies and had them sitting there on the vanity when i hopped into the tub. There was the cleaning rod, a bottle of dish washing soap and a large cleaning patch cut from some old long johns.
While i soaked in the hot water my mind began to wander and before long i was pretty pleased with this plan, heck ive always liked bathes better anyway. Well i got out and towelled off and remember im standing there butt naked with no tools what so ever so i had to improvise, left brain men are quite adept!
I then decided that the best thing would be to squirt a big shot of that dish soap down the barrel before laying it in the water to help soften up the fowling while i ate my dinner. Well, remember im naked; so i placed one end of that rifle barrel on the floor and held the other end between my legs which worked out pretty well, i could still see an inch or so of the barrel down there. So i gave it a big shot of soap right in the end of the bore then laid my cleaning patch over the hole and started the cleaning rod into the end of the barrel. So far so good but them i made a fatal mistake because when i reached up to the top of that cleaning rod i didnt notice my scrotum had relocated as well and now those little brown things(hairs) were right there on that cleaning patch and with a great push the rod went sailing down into the rifle bore, pulling about 3 inches of skin down in there with it.
Now lets stop for a minute because i dont want this next part to sound like im anything but respectful of women, but you know how there always talking about child birth and how much stretching goes on, well im here to tell you boys stretch too!
Ok, so during this event i must have been muttering some high pitched whines because in an instant there stood my wife looking at me in wide eyed wonderment. Guys, you know that look; when you can tell they need more words? Well i got straight to the point by saying forget it, im not going to the emergency room. Can you imagine walking in there and throwing open your bath robe and saying, what cha think about that? Yea me either. I did ask her to come around behind me and sit down and hang on, no matter what i say or do, hang on and when i get this thing off we'll re-evaluate the situation. Well she did and i did and it came apart easy enough and id like to say i strolled out into the living room and ploped down on the couch for a better look but that would be a lie. First of all i was still blind from all that stretching and besides my knees were still kinda wobly so i just sorta crept out there and sat down. There i conducted a full inspection and noticed about a 3/4 inch wide by 2 inch long pretty blue stripe appearing on the front side of my nut sack. I can say that here, cant i? I later learned that was called a hemitoma.

Now that was over 30 years ago and im happy to say ive never repeated that event, however noticing the value in the story i have told it on numerous occasions during a safety presentation i put together titled " The King of Complacency". Im not sure how many safety meetings you ever been too but when id ask " how many people in this room beside me ever had their nut sack stuck in a rifle barrel" you can imagine; i had their attention.

Any way hope you enjoyed this and dont think poorly of me and oh yea, thats my best story so dont be expecting no encore!
Alasgun Mike
 

thegloman

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ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!
OMG Alasgun that was the funniest thing I ever read!
Can't say I ever heard anything like that one before.
I'm glad you're ok. This is the sort of thing that happens to me too! Complaisency cost me my left hand.
 

tcbud

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I’m sitting here reading this quietly, start laughing out loud, then have to start it over for Mr. TC’s benefit, now we are both smiling and laughing together. Thanks for the story Alasgun.
 

Alasgun

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My pleasure folks and Gloman, sorry about that hand.
By the way Mr. And Mrs tcbud, i looked at your bud of the year photo and was almost speachless. Ive looked at plenty of nice bud pictures but none of them momentarily took my breath away like that one did, magnificent job!
 

tcbud

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Thank you Alasgun, she smoked sweet too.
 

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