YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
:grinch: Gather round all ye Grinches and Scrooges who get fed up with the "Holiday Season". There are 10 quintillion cultures/sects that celebrate some holiday at this time of year for whatever reason, but I can't stand any of em. Paraphrasing Krusty: Have a chrummy Christmas, horrendous Hanukkah, kwappy Kwanzaa, terrible Tet, rotten Ramadan, yucky Yule, awful Agnosticmas, et cetera ad nauseam. I will be mainly scrooging about Christmas because it is the one I grew up observing.
Suggestions:
Install mutilated mutant snowmen in front of the house à la Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. Fake blood retains its color longer than real blood (unfortunately).
Hang gutted reindeer carcasses from meathooks on the front porch.
Feed kids venison and tell em it's Rudolph.
Hang a skeletal Santa Claus effigy from one of the above meathooks and tell the kids "Santa Claus ain't comin to this town no more!"
Scatter burnt elf effigies everywhere.
Spike eggnog with Everclear rather than brandy so that everyone will feel like killing each other.
Fill roast beas...uh, turkeys with strawberry syrup and carve with a chainsaw.
Get indigestion and vomit explosively onto the sidewalk.
Wear red-and-green attire printed with "SANTA SUCKS".
Compose creative Christmas carols like "Nuclear Winter Wonderland", "Black Christmas", "Giuliani the Fascist Reindeer", "Human Flesh Roasting on an Open Fire", "Slay Ride", "For Whom the Jingle Bell Tolls", "It's the Least Wonderful Time of the Year".
Add more for whichever brain-dead holiday you cannot stand. Green Grinch mojo for anyone who can out-grinch the Grinch Queen (me). Channel your inner misanthrope. :grinch:
Suggestions:
Install mutilated mutant snowmen in front of the house à la Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. Fake blood retains its color longer than real blood (unfortunately).
Hang gutted reindeer carcasses from meathooks on the front porch.
Feed kids venison and tell em it's Rudolph.
Hang a skeletal Santa Claus effigy from one of the above meathooks and tell the kids "Santa Claus ain't comin to this town no more!"
Scatter burnt elf effigies everywhere.
Spike eggnog with Everclear rather than brandy so that everyone will feel like killing each other.
Fill roast beas...uh, turkeys with strawberry syrup and carve with a chainsaw.
Get indigestion and vomit explosively onto the sidewalk.
Wear red-and-green attire printed with "SANTA SUCKS".
Compose creative Christmas carols like "Nuclear Winter Wonderland", "Black Christmas", "Giuliani the Fascist Reindeer", "Human Flesh Roasting on an Open Fire", "Slay Ride", "For Whom the Jingle Bell Tolls", "It's the Least Wonderful Time of the Year".
Add more for whichever brain-dead holiday you cannot stand. Green Grinch mojo for anyone who can out-grinch the Grinch Queen (me). Channel your inner misanthrope. :grinch:
