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Infact this had abosolutley nothing to do with marijuana.... and i'm just writing it to get it out of my system.. Well acctually i guess it does cos i am smoking right there.. hahaha

Ok so I have this one friend who when we smoke up together we have that weird kinda connection, the type you only feel when your inlove with someone.. anyone know that kinda feeling.. So anyway One night we were getting drunk and smoking together, and like we were just listening to some music and chillin out, then a song came on that reminded her of her friend who recently Over Dosed on smack, and we ended up out at the graveyard where he's burried about 15 min from my house... she was in no condition to drive and i know i wasn't either but we were there... it was so cold out, almost pitch black, but yet i was there for her in a way that still to this day baffels me.... I held her for what seemed like forever as she told me about their friendship, his family, how he had gotten off of the drugs and was clean for so long, then one day used again and ended up with Over Dose.... as much as i could tell she needed to she just couldn't cry, she still has a problem accepting what happened to him. I was there i saw every emotion that crossed her face.. I felt it slipping away from her as i held her to me.. as she held on to me for dearlife. Sometimes i think that she thinks thats going to end up happening to her and it scares her to death. Anyway... we finally left the graveyard, and headed on the way back up to my house, when we got there we just sat in the car... Then something happened that i never expected, she kissed me. She thanked me for being there for her, and kissed me... I was in uttershock, just from the kiss alone, her thanking me for being there for her isn't an odd thing.. we have so serious conversations and i am always there to listen and to help her out.. but this is a girl who is straight.. and when i say that.. she would never in any real circumstance kiss another woman... and i underline never because thats how it is. But it didn't stop there.. she kissed me 4 more times, before she left. the first one with the thanks, but the others with none after.... anyway she left, Thankfully made it home... she could hardly walk. I shouldn't have let her drive in the first place... But sometimes things happen like that. She still doesn't remember kissing me, or half of what happened that night... But part of me says she remembers all of it.

So a few nights later we get togther again.. smoke a few bowls... drink a few beers... No condition to drive when she had to head back home... so my brother gave us a ride to drop her off.. sometime during that ride i had my hand on her thigh.. nothing was ever and has been said about that.... Anyway that night i had given her a gift A sapphire bracelet.. just because, i saw it and thought it would look beautiful on her wrist. Anyway a few days later.. she goes to me.. We need to talk.. She felt bad accepting that gift because she knows how i feel about her... and i've loved her since like July.. the first time i saw her, and yet i still don't let it get in the way of our friendship... i'd rather have her as a friend or not at all.... So we did end up with a lil weirdness between us for a while after we had that talk.. but it all smoothed over.. One thing i remeber her telling me was.... " we'll always be friends as long as we are how we always as long as neither of us start acting wierd then it'll be fine" ... Does anyone really know what that means??? Cos i sure as hell don't.

Anyway.. so now like everytime we get wasted together or apart and we talk.. it's like soo off the wall.. there are always those little moments between us.. Or something is said that is more like we're in a relationship.. rather just just being friends.. So yeah like i said this really has nothing to do with weed other than.. me and her smoking together... thats basically it....

But needed to get that off my chest... Any Comments... Suggestions... Anything.. I just am feeling kind of alone right now..
Yo, hey, I know this sounds corny as hell, but take your time. It's not a race.

It can be a real mess if it's hurried.

Become very close friends and work from there.

Never betray your partner.

Live today and think about tomorrow. Not the other way around.

Be honest, always.

The first lie is the last truth to your partner.

Just be you. If that isn't right, then move along. You've both got lives to live.

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