Blond Jokes (Everyone has a favorite)

[Stoney Bud]

This guy takes his blond lady friend to her first American football game

After the game, he asks her how she liked it.

She says: "Hey, the tight pants, all the bulging muscles, what's not to like?"

Then she says: "I don't understand why they beat the crap outta each other for 25 cents!"

Well, her Boyfriend looks at her like she's got a turnip growing out of her ear. He hasn't a clue what she's talking about.

He says: "25 cents, what in the hell are you talking about?"

She says: "At the start of the game, the guy wearing the prison clothes tossed a coin in the air, one of the guys grabbed it and for the rest of the game, all I kept hearing was Get the quarter back, Get the quarter back!

Ya wouldn't think anyone would get that upset over a quarter!"

 

[Dubbaman]

my fave is still and always going to be...

What do a Blonde and a Turtle have in common???


ONce you get them on their back theyre F&%#ED

 

[allgrownup]

How come the blonde's belly button was black and blue????



her boyfriend was blonde too!

 

[SmokinMom]

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

(scroll down..lol)


















































She kept throwing away all the W's.

 

[Oscar]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


:hubba:

 

[Oscar]

Speaking about Blonds, reminds me of Don Henley's song, "Dirty Laundry"!

..........the bubble-headed, bleached blond, comes on at 5.......

​

 

[Runbyhemp]

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

 

[Artfan]

Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........

 

[Artfan]

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

 

[Dubbaman]

how can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer??





there is white out all over the screen

 

[mastersativa]

What did the blonde say when i blew in her ear?



Thanks for the refill.

 

[mastersativa]

This blonde decided that she wanted to try ice fishing, so she read all she could find on the subject. Then went to the local sporting goods store and bought all she needed to go. She went and found some ice and started to set up her equipment, she drilled a hole, sat down and poured a cup of coffe, and then a voice came from above," THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE". Bewildered, she gathered all her stuff and moved to another spot, drilled another hole, sat down and poured herself another cup of joe. Again the voice rang out "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE". Frustrated she moved all the way to the other side of the ice, drilled another hole, sat down and poured another cup of joe. Once more the voice rang out "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE". Almost angry she asked, 'Is that you god?" The voice replied, " NO, I AM THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY ARENA!"

 

[berserker]

How do you drowned a Blonde? Put a screatch and sniff on the bottom of the pool.

 

[berserker]

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"

 

[mastersativa]

LMAO Almost same as mine B.

 

[berserker]

LMAO Almost same as mine B.

You got a good joke..

 

[Dubbaman]

Resimay

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.


Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings


PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
.







Employer's response:......


Dear Peggy May,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check



P.S. no comments on my wifes chest and yes they are real

View attachment job applicant.bmp

 

[Stoney Bud]

The Magical Mirror

Three women friends found an old empty room in a large house they had just rented. In the room, they found a mirror with some words printed right on the front of the mirror.

"Whomever shall stand in front of me and make a true statement of caring will be granted one wish"

Well, the Redhead was the first to try. She stood firmly in front of the mirror and said "I want to see world peace and good will among all people."

*Blink* Before each of the other two women could say a word, the Redhead had disappeared without a trace!

Well, the Brunette wasn't shy about it. She stepped in front of the mirror and stated clearly; "If I win this, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make as many people happy as I can!"

The mirror evidently wasn't an easy one to fool. In just a second from the end of her words, the Brunette puffed into a small cloud and also disappeared.

The Blond was no ones fool. She knew she had to say something that would be the truth.

She took a big, deep breath and said; "I think

*Poof*

The room was empty again.

 

[Oscar]

The Blonde Painter

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired
of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are
perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her
husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she
is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next
day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at
5:30 and smells the distinctive smells of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on
the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is
wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her is she is ok.
She replies yes. He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde
women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions
on the paint can and they said
For best results, put on two coats.

 

[Oscar]

The Magic Genie's Lamp

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic Genie's lamp.

The Genie came out and said: "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette.
The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them."
So she became a man.​

:holysheep:​

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