You could not make this shit up.

teslaman

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Ok so a pal just did his first grow under my guidance, of sorts, i grow in coco only so that's my field.

He went for plagron dirt and feed, whatever the **** that is, anyways onto the funnies.

He chopped last week and tbh all seems well considering the following:

He was using these latest LED's x 2 for his 8' x 4' tent, which his mate swears by, each is equivalent to 600w hps, two weeks later he ditches these and buys two 600w digital hps's, i had asked how much he paid for each LED £99 each they are great, really £99 each pmsl.

I told him to get a temp/humidity meter, he finally gets one 4-5 weeks into 8 weeks of flowering and i ask for the readings, temps max 95f/82%rh min 80f/65%rh ffs *** i reply you need a bigger extraction fan, i've got one, yes well it's not good enough, i ask where is the stale air being extracted to, the same room, the carbon filter is connected to the inline fan that then pushes air out of the end with the mesh on to stop bugs getting into the tent, so he had placed the bug mesh on the exit end of extraction and not on the passive inlet as i advised, i mentioned i don't think any bugs are going to go into that vortex wind tunnel to get into your tent against the wind, lol, to add to the issue the only place air is being pulled into the tent is from the same bedroom, thus nowt is happening just recirculating the same stale warm/hot air with no chance of cooling, he even has the bedroom door closed when he leaves the grow place no windows are open, pmsl i have told him to do all the aforementioned things.

This is the funniest part i asked does he have an osc fan in the room, yes we have two, where are they situated, outside the tent, even better the two osc fans were 4" clip on stationary ones, ffs some people ask for advice then ignore what you tell them.

He is letting me know harvest weight tomorrow, should be a big un.



So last part of this saga, mate said he would give me a sample of each of the five strains he had chopped, well fair play, ya cannot look a gift horse in the mouth,lol, so he posts me an envelope, i pick it up, wow this sample looks like decent amount, i squeeze the bag then open it only to find it 99.9% is bastard bubble wrap and the buds, all x 5 resemble shitty little, badly trimmed, airey budlets, so just for a laugh i placed each one on scales and funnily enough they all weighed 0.20g thus 1gram in total, how the **** am i meant to be able to sample this amount, plus they were damp, i called him and said mate these look, smell and are damp and are shit, i'm not going to smoke them, he argued they were too dry, ok mate you been growing ten weeks now i been growing 20+ years your right i'm wrong, the conversation ended there and in the bin they went.

Lastly twenty big plants harvested 20oz of the shittiest weed ya ever did see.

Now 3 x grows later he is still pissing in the wind with his tactics of growing, asks for advice don't use it, recently i got him 20 cuts he phoned me saying are these already dead as some of the leaves are yellow/brown, ffs, jesus christ on a bike they start to yellow/brown when they have started or are about to throw roots ya ****.

So this saga will continue, i'll keep ya updated with any funnies along the way.

Teslaman.
 

teslaman

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I offered to buy the led lights for vegging, he just dropped one off v99grow said they were £99 each used for two weeks only, well i plugged it in as he only dropped one off and **** me sideways the two fans are noisier than my 200mm squirrel extraction fan and i googled them shite shite shite and they are $48 apiece so told him to collect them asap as better using candle tea lights for vegging than these led things.
he asked if i had any smoke i said yeh ill give you some he called me 30 mins later saying how nice and chilled he felt, lol i gave him charlottes angel cbd just shows how placebo effect can work as its less than 1% thc and max 16 cbd.
teslaman
 

mean4green

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tenor.gif
 

teslaman

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What's next, well i gave him 20 cuts recently as he hasn't a clue how to take cuttings, so 5 days later calls me saying can i replace 3 cuts as thay are dead, i said you killed them they all had roots so user error and i don't really have time for pissing about with my own stuff on the go, so next day calls with an update, nine are now dead, lol, so wants these all replacing too, ok last time learn how to take clones or you are up shit creek without a paddle, some people are just plain thick, showed me pics of 2-3" tall fresh cuts in 20 litre pots under a 660w hps ffs *** no wonder they died burnt to death imho.
More to follow i'm sure.
Teslaman
 

Surfer Joe

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I offered to buy the led lights for vegging, he just dropped one off v99grow said they were £99 each used for two weeks only, well i plugged it in as he only dropped one off and **** me sideways the two fans are noisier than my 200mm squirrel extraction fan and i googled them shite shite shite and they are $48 apiece so told him to collect them asap as better using candle tea lights for vegging than these led things.
he asked if i had any smoke i said yeh ill give you some he called me 30 mins later saying how nice and chilled he felt, lol i gave him charlottes angel cbd just shows how placebo effect can work as its less than 1% thc and max 16 cbd.
teslaman
I hope you’re growing in a legal area because it sounds like you’re dealing with a character who could drag you down with him.
 

teslaman

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I hope you’re growing in a legal area because it sounds like you’re dealing with a character who could drag you down with him.
legal, lol, i'm in u.k and totally illegal but my friend is a friend of 40 years and is as schweet as a nut, just don't listen to advice, had many friends like that, here is another funny story, jesus christ i could write book on my lifes funnies,


So another friend, my best friend, heroin addict, who got himself clean last twenty years of his life, but people still viewed him as a junkie, he never backed down from man nor beast no matter how big, how tough, how dangerous they were, he could/would hold his own against anyone in a fight esp in jail, now that's another story, now sadly no longer with us, but here goes, i was doing a grow in his attic with him, for him to sell to a horrible dog who resembled Golum from 'lord of the rings' fyi, golum was far better looking, i tell thee, anyway i digress as i am stoned on charlottes angel cdb 16% thc less than 1%, jeez i am a lightweight, so on with the yarn, so we/he had 29 x sensi star plants in his attic, i supplied everything, as he was potless, in other words didn't have a pot to piss in, broke, so i am going on my holidays so ask can he look after my rooted cutting in rockwool cubes along with his next batch/grow of the same, ok he says i give him instructions as to what he needs to do, watering, nadda, nadda, nadda, so upon my return i am anxious to check how my next run of plants have grown, considering i have been away for two weeks, so down with the attic ladder, up i climb all excited like, what the ****, jesus ******* christ on a bike his plants are flourishing like proper mother fuckers, i look at my tiny shrivelled up sad excuses for plants and said what the **** has happened here, he said he didnt know, they just started to look bad and then all died, bar a couple, now the issue is i had x 40 plants, my next grow, all were dead, bar two or three, i completely lost it and stamped my feet like a spolit child on the remaining live plants. i never told him to water my 40 x cuttings just water yours and let mine die, *** ffs pmsl, he was a real decent fella too never robbed anyone, never burgled any house, just a shoplifter, very good by all accounts.

so another story coming soon.

Teslaman.
 
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mean4green

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Look at the bright side,

Good thing you did not trust him to care for your vegetable garden or feed your dog when you were gone for 2 weeks...

Carry on ya crazy Bloak... (my best Englishman impersination)...
 

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