I have not had marijuana in my system for the last 48 hours, I have drug test coming up , and will drink the detox stuff.. but boy you dont even know how bad I want to chief right now.... 10 more hours....
Well anyways on to my story
I have been lurking around the forums for a long time, and by lurking, I am on this site religiously every night in the wee hours in the morning looking at your beautiful buds, and extesnive knowledge.
I am 20 but I have always been a 'late-bloomer' and feel/behave like I am 2 years younger. My life, looking back now, was WORRY FREE. Great, amazing, I was SO lucky. I started smoking pot, at 17, and was always so worried about two things.
1) my parents finding out (specifically: my mom)
2) how 'bad' marijuana is for me (i thought i would go crazy or have mental problems from smoking... )
I live with my parents , but my mom is the only 'parent' to me. She devoted her whole life to give me a good life and education. She worked for 30+ years hard labor, her life was TERRIBLE in comparison to mine. And she did it all for me, so I could have a good life, something she could not. She is the smartest person in the world, (she never went to highschool - born in europe, ran away from home) came to the US, and went to school in her 40's got straight A's... I would be doing my gradeschool homework and she would help me and was just the perfect mom/student etc... The only reason I wanted to get good grades was because I know how important they were to her, and mostly I want her to be happy.
If I ever got in trouble, I was not in the least bit upset about getting in trouble, or what I did, but it was the fact that I had to go home or call my mom and have her get all stressed out etc....
Well so the first two years of my smoking.... I worked at a restaurant, and everyone there was a druggie really. I was the 'newbie' to the scene, but I would go to my managers house after work and smoke with her friends once a week.. and wow did I get SO stoned. The stuff I have now is So much better, but back when I first started smoking, when I wasn't accoustomed to the high, it would just rock my world...
but almost any time I smoked, I would get SO SO SO worried that when I got home my mom would find out.. it got to be a problem because I would come home stoned more and more often, and each time my mom would know and get very upset. She is a person who worries alot, but I am the ONLY thing she has in her life. And she knew nothing about MJ, so she always thought it was TERRIBLE for me and HATED , absolutely hated to see me under the influence.
So for the first two or so years, I really never enjoyed smoking MJ. I loved it, but also worried about its effects on me, and parents. If they left out of town, yippie! i would have a MUCH better time smoking, knowing they would not find out......
So alot of time goes by, and life is just as it is... I get in trouble for posession a few times and my parents are devestated and its just an ongoing problem (smoking pot).
So until now, every time I smoked, I was always somewhat uncomfortable, either about the effects on my body, or my mom getting worried.
But looking back, I never NEEDED the marijuana, if I diddn't have it one day, no problem. Well all of that has changed.
I got in alot of trouble with MJ and got put on probation. That was terrible. First time getting in major trouble like that I was in shock etc.... and I get 3 years probation. So now they are testing me, and I technically can't smoke.... well I still do, and pass some tests, fail some, but I am 'walking a thin line'
Then out of nowhere... my mom has a stroke. Just out of the blue. She is completely healthy, a total health food advocate, last person in the world to have a stroke, but she was so worried about me and the family situations, something just happened. That was last year. Up until now, and since her stroke, it has been the worst year of my life. I have completely changed as a person. Maybe I matured, maybe it is something else, but I can definately see the difference.
For about 3 months I diddn't even know if my mom would make any sort of recovery (she was in coma).. and it was just so hard on me. Crying all night I had no idea why this happened to me, it is ONLY me and her in my life. She is the only one I look up to, or if I have questions or worries or anything; she is the one I go to. Now she is a vegetable and can't even open her eyes.
Miracously she starts to recover (She is a very strong person) and I can not thank god enough... she is able to actiually walk now, and her talking is getting better , but most the time she talks in her native language which I never learned..
Looking back on it now, things are coming along GREAT... her recovery is 1001010101010 times more then I could ever expect... so that lets my soul rest; but then at times (when im not stoned) , I get so incredibly depressed, I just start crying out of nowhere. I just think of this beautiful woman, she was SO smart.. wayyy smarter then me; (she was such a hard worker) she studied so hard, she worked for 10 years, all while I was going to school she get her masters and started teaching. And then she gets crippled. I can't believe how the human body can do that. One side of her body was paralyzed, her leg is coming back slowly (at 40% now) but her arm is still at 0-1%.. barely any movement... but there is some so I have hope.
But I will be relaxed and happy that she is recovering better then I can imagine, but at night I just get so sad. I kiss her goodnight and just see how she is SO crippled , and just 1% of what she was a year ago. Ive been smoking every day non stop, and after going through this traumatic experience, i have learned many things about life, and me.
1) I now, for the rest of my life, will never even WORRY about smoking marijuana, the 'affects' do not even bother me at all... I have completely changed with that and I can truly say I will smoke MJ every day until I leave this planet.
continued next post....
Well anyways on to my story
I have been lurking around the forums for a long time, and by lurking, I am on this site religiously every night in the wee hours in the morning looking at your beautiful buds, and extesnive knowledge.
I am 20 but I have always been a 'late-bloomer' and feel/behave like I am 2 years younger. My life, looking back now, was WORRY FREE. Great, amazing, I was SO lucky. I started smoking pot, at 17, and was always so worried about two things.
1) my parents finding out (specifically: my mom)
2) how 'bad' marijuana is for me (i thought i would go crazy or have mental problems from smoking... )
I live with my parents , but my mom is the only 'parent' to me. She devoted her whole life to give me a good life and education. She worked for 30+ years hard labor, her life was TERRIBLE in comparison to mine. And she did it all for me, so I could have a good life, something she could not. She is the smartest person in the world, (she never went to highschool - born in europe, ran away from home) came to the US, and went to school in her 40's got straight A's... I would be doing my gradeschool homework and she would help me and was just the perfect mom/student etc... The only reason I wanted to get good grades was because I know how important they were to her, and mostly I want her to be happy.
If I ever got in trouble, I was not in the least bit upset about getting in trouble, or what I did, but it was the fact that I had to go home or call my mom and have her get all stressed out etc....
Well so the first two years of my smoking.... I worked at a restaurant, and everyone there was a druggie really. I was the 'newbie' to the scene, but I would go to my managers house after work and smoke with her friends once a week.. and wow did I get SO stoned. The stuff I have now is So much better, but back when I first started smoking, when I wasn't accoustomed to the high, it would just rock my world...
but almost any time I smoked, I would get SO SO SO worried that when I got home my mom would find out.. it got to be a problem because I would come home stoned more and more often, and each time my mom would know and get very upset. She is a person who worries alot, but I am the ONLY thing she has in her life. And she knew nothing about MJ, so she always thought it was TERRIBLE for me and HATED , absolutely hated to see me under the influence.
So for the first two or so years, I really never enjoyed smoking MJ. I loved it, but also worried about its effects on me, and parents. If they left out of town, yippie! i would have a MUCH better time smoking, knowing they would not find out......
So alot of time goes by, and life is just as it is... I get in trouble for posession a few times and my parents are devestated and its just an ongoing problem (smoking pot).
So until now, every time I smoked, I was always somewhat uncomfortable, either about the effects on my body, or my mom getting worried.
But looking back, I never NEEDED the marijuana, if I diddn't have it one day, no problem. Well all of that has changed.
I got in alot of trouble with MJ and got put on probation. That was terrible. First time getting in major trouble like that I was in shock etc.... and I get 3 years probation. So now they are testing me, and I technically can't smoke.... well I still do, and pass some tests, fail some, but I am 'walking a thin line'
Then out of nowhere... my mom has a stroke. Just out of the blue. She is completely healthy, a total health food advocate, last person in the world to have a stroke, but she was so worried about me and the family situations, something just happened. That was last year. Up until now, and since her stroke, it has been the worst year of my life. I have completely changed as a person. Maybe I matured, maybe it is something else, but I can definately see the difference.
For about 3 months I diddn't even know if my mom would make any sort of recovery (she was in coma).. and it was just so hard on me. Crying all night I had no idea why this happened to me, it is ONLY me and her in my life. She is the only one I look up to, or if I have questions or worries or anything; she is the one I go to. Now she is a vegetable and can't even open her eyes.
Miracously she starts to recover (She is a very strong person) and I can not thank god enough... she is able to actiually walk now, and her talking is getting better , but most the time she talks in her native language which I never learned..
Looking back on it now, things are coming along GREAT... her recovery is 1001010101010 times more then I could ever expect... so that lets my soul rest; but then at times (when im not stoned) , I get so incredibly depressed, I just start crying out of nowhere. I just think of this beautiful woman, she was SO smart.. wayyy smarter then me; (she was such a hard worker) she studied so hard, she worked for 10 years, all while I was going to school she get her masters and started teaching. And then she gets crippled. I can't believe how the human body can do that. One side of her body was paralyzed, her leg is coming back slowly (at 40% now) but her arm is still at 0-1%.. barely any movement... but there is some so I have hope.
But I will be relaxed and happy that she is recovering better then I can imagine, but at night I just get so sad. I kiss her goodnight and just see how she is SO crippled , and just 1% of what she was a year ago. Ive been smoking every day non stop, and after going through this traumatic experience, i have learned many things about life, and me.
1) I now, for the rest of my life, will never even WORRY about smoking marijuana, the 'affects' do not even bother me at all... I have completely changed with that and I can truly say I will smoke MJ every day until I leave this planet.
continued next post....