Crazydog
First off learn to protect yourself first and that will help protect your family latter on down the road. Starting right now.... go erase your city and state from one of your past post and do not give it again. Think ahead!
Second get involved with a Medical Marijuana Patient Program ASAP take your wife with you get to their meetings, even if you have to drive awhile to get to them. They should be your most usful tool on the legal side. When you find a good group of other people that are in your shoes, THEY WILL HELP YOU!!!
At those meetings most all of you and your wifes questions should be able to be answered. You should be able to gain access to very usful resouces like local laywers and doctors that are very pot friendly and are willing to help you on your quest. Don't plan on anything happening overnight cuz that's not how it works, at least not in my state.
Don't forget my first suggestion and know why. Even if you are 100% legal to grow.... you can't stop thieves from seeking your crop. Most nowadays they are not stupid and some may make a job of targetting easy prey of newbs like us. Don't make it easy on them!!!
Keep it small, forget all the laws on limmits, KEEP IT SMALL! If your first lawyer does not tell you this than seek another.
Keep your grow space and your stash away from your family, far enough that if a thief is going to jack you he does not have to get through you or your family to get to the goods.
Last is the one that you will hear over and over again but is the very most difficult TELL NO ONE!!! Which is entirely impossible in our situation, you will be giving all of your information to the state which can likely give it to anyone they choose. Hopefully for your own protection.
Take the saying to heart ANYWAY, if a friend or neighbor finds out plan ahead and only explain what you have to.....no more. Same with the cops.....if they find out fine... but I would not go asking them or telling them anything except for what your lawyer tells you to say.
If you are really smart it is possible for almost no one except for your wife to really know much of anything, even the people at your meetings.
If you are going to do this with kids in your home you have to cover every angle that you can FIRST, start with finding those meetings.
I'm with ya and there are many off us around, this is my third night w/o more than an hour or two of sleep. Mostly because I'm out of weed. I got the flu which makes me hurt more than I already normally do, which makes it even more painful for me to lay down....no sleep....etc.
Once my grow room starts producing I won't have to worry about having so many of these painful nights. Heck if we both keep using this site to help us grow we should be sleeping like babies in no time!
That's my two cents!
Good Luck and Peace
Mike