Worst Year Of My Life!

[Kindbud]

Well some may have noticed that I have been absent and haven't been jumping on like I usually would. I don't know if I'll ever be the same my oldest brother that lived in Colorado around pagosa springs went missing the 13th of November the day before my birthday. He was having problems with his wife and I had talked to him a few days earlier and told him to call me if he needed to talk I was always here told him I loved him and that's the last time I talked to him and ever will 4 days later they found him far from his truck he was gone passed away from a gun shot I couldn't believe it was true when I first found out it was a shock to me! I hadn't lost any close family and well me being me I tried to escape into music different substances etc I also found out that my parents had taken his son away from his mother and she was fighting to get him back. Me I hate my parents they never helped there own kids 2 of my brothers are homeless do they care nope! I was going to testify against my father for being a horrible parent shooting at me and my brother's etc but judge ordered his son to be returned to his mother. I got ahold of my nephew and told him to walk over to my house farther down the old dirt road and well he's a rasta like my brother was and hadn't smoked in weeks we talked heard his story explained my parents were not who be thought they were we smoked a doobie of my small grow this year & a weight was lifted off of him. I had talked to his mother back and forth for a couple days before that and well I told him to tell my parents he wanted to go home they were going to try to fight for custody but when I heard how they talked to him and acted towards him just because he wanted to go home to where he grew up treating a 17 1/2 year old young man like a child smh. I yelled put me on speaker he did and I said lil man go and stay at my house I'll be home soon and he pushed his way past my so called mother and he ran to my house 1/2 mile away I smoked the very last bud I had with him and told him I'm going to get you back home and after his mother got him a plane ticket i dropped him off at the airport. This year has been a rough one already my brother passing away took a toll! But the nerve of my pos parents to do what they did I wasn't going to let them ruin another kids life even if I ended up in handcuffs for doing the world a favor. He's back home with his mother today and she's gonna help get him his license and enroll in college and collect his father's S.S from the military and he will make his father proud I just wish my brother would have called me before making the decision that changed me and my family forever. Rest in peace Robert I love you brother I'm growing my hair out and dreading it up in honor of him no more haircuts for idk a decade lol hope everyone has been better then me!!!

https://www.hoodmortuary.com/obituaries/robert-robbie-naundorff-jr

 

[Kindbud]

Anyone have any advice for me I'd appreciate it. This just feels completely wrong he was medically retired from the military had decades left to live and more plants to grow he sent me this picture in October 1 of the coolest shots I've ever seen!!! I miss my brother! Why didn't he call why'd he do it day before my birthday it's got me so completely lost and everytime I read anything about him that I wrote or others wrote my heart drops like a rock in the lake and I'm really not much of a crier but I can't stop it!! I just can't rationalize it I'm feeling a sadness I've never felt he was a hero served 2 tours 1 in Iraq other on Afghanistan he was hit by a IED in Afghanistan and everyone was knocked out unconscious except for him and he layed down cover fire with a broken back etc he later had to have rods put in his back due to the explosion. He went threw all that and I just dont understand

 

[Bugus_Monkey]

It sucks... Keep you're head up... That young man may some day need your help again... Not sure what you believe but I said a prayer quietly here myself just now for you Kindbud that things get better for you. I strongly feel that the whole world in general is going to do nothing but get worse and worse - SO YA - Hang the f in there and hang on - someday when that young boy you helped grows up maybe he will be able to pay it forward to someone else that is special in his life.

 

[user 65379]

I understand how you must feel. Its strange how things work out in the lives of others. Things can go Horribly wrong in the Heart of Combat Vets. A lot of us struggle with things not many others can relate to. 22 a Day. It Breaks my Heart when the Best of us Turn. They gave so much. Sorry for your Lose. Try to let it go. There is no figuring it out. Hang In There.

 

[WeedHopper]

Whatever you do stay away from the alcohol and drugs. It will only make it worse as you well know from past experiences.
Feel your life with other things and try and take your mind off of the sadness and depression. Keep yourself busy. Do you work?
Time heals your mind and soul.

 

[Kindbud]

Thanks guys I'll try but the beer and bottle of booze is gonna get drunk lol the other stuff I'm not messing with anymore after today gotta go to court the 28th and probation and the doctors that's gonna be a fun day smh weedhopper for me time doesn't heal me I'm still ****** up from girl leaving a year and a half ago not in self Destruction mode but that was a bad idea in the first place lol but I believe in a creator of the universe that's all.... I asked him why why do this I feel this is a experiment a simulation and maybe deaths the way out and my brother figured it out your brain does release a massive dose of DMT when it dies and one last trip?? Too where who knows last time I did it it was straight blackness the first time was interesting portals different worlds etc felt like I was gone a lifetime but here it was only 5-10 minutes that passed my brother was waiting his turn lol but anyways I'll try to not let it go and my nephew knows I'm always here as long as I'm breathing I will be he reminded me so much of my brother it was a relief to know part of him lives on in his son me I'm done this cruel world is not any place for me to bring a kid that I'll raise to be just like me........ And work yea kinda I live in a house with one of the few good ones left a 81 yo Vietnam vet that's got copd and lung disease etc on 10 litters of oxygen I've known him and his son for idk 2 decades son was in prison for drugs smh take part of people's life a way over drugs smh stupid world but anyway I picked him up from the hospital Friday and he can't walk anymore so I make food clean up and do whatever I can trying to make his last days more comfortable and less well ******!!! His daughters think I'm a angel little do they know lol need that laugh..... But to me I've never cared about money to be rich I laugh at as long as I'm happy and have food smoke and stuff I deem necessary I'm fine money changes people brings the worst out in people and well no thanks I'll continue being me and making the world a little bit better place with my actions all I can do just loosing good people is just hard and getting worse especially with so many bad people out there and there growing and the good shrinking soon the good ones will be gone except for a few hope I'm gone by then but no playing Russian roulette lmao to curious after all my near death experiences what actually kills me I wanna know who knows might be myself would make since nothing could kill my brother either

 

[user 65379]

One of the things I try to do, is live a better life for those who passed. I learn from them. I Honor them by Unfuking myself. One of the things that helped was coming to Thailand and leaving IT all behind. I was extremely Fuked Up. I was very successful on the Outside, but it was all motivated by an "I Show You" attitude of anger and Misunderstanding. Reading helps. What ever it takes. Get better.

 

[user 65379]

Try Joe Rogen

 

[yarddog]

Anyone have any advice for me I'd appreciate it. This just feels completely wrong he was medically retired from the military had decades left to live and more plants to grow he sent me this picture in October 1 of the coolest shots I've ever seen!!! I miss my brother! Why didn't he call why'd he do it day before my birthday it's got me so completely lost and everytime I read anything about him that I wrote or others wrote my heart drops like a rock in the lake and I'm really not much of a crier but I can't stop it!! I just can't rationalize it I'm feeling a sadness I've never felt he was a hero served 2 tours 1 in Iraq other on Afghanistan he was hit by a IED in Afghanistan and everyone was knocked out unconscious except for him and he layed down cover fire with a broken back etc he later had to have rods put in his back due to the explosion. He went threw all that and I just dont understand

Kind, concussions from blasts can have tremendous effects in the brain. It damages the membrane that lines the brain tissue and it can cause all sorts of issues. Depression, hallucinations, wild anger…. It is very possible that your brother was suffering from one or more issues related to that.
Dr will prescribe anti depressants etc, but any modern medicine will only be working towards the symptom. Not the actual problem.

I’m very sorry about your brother.
I can say if he took his own life, he was struggling so bad that he couldn’t make rational and logical decisions. Please don’t second guess him in regards to the date, or not calling you for help first.

 

[Kindbud]

 

[RosterMan]

@Kindbud
Talk to someone now who can help you before you walk in your brothers footsteps. There are suicide helplines all over the web, they will listen and provide good info on how to get some help.
Good Luck, and don't do anything stupid, my best friend (my brother) at 20yrs old blew his brains out, what a waste of a good life. So I know.

 

[RosterMan]

Get your hand looked at, silly to die for a simple infection.

 

[Kindbud]

Get your hand looked at, silly to die for a simple infection.

Ive never had a cut scrape puncher wound etc get infected.... But I already prescription 4x a day antibiotics and took the last one last night got them few days later being safe since I never went to the hospital cause of police report etc

 

[RosterMan]

Im done with you

 

[Kindbud]

Im done with you

LoL Cool cool catch ya on the flip side......
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Curious any pictures of your plans Mr Chicken

 

[Hippie420]

You're right on the police report. My old friend Mark managed to shoot the meat out of the heal of his left hand while cleaning an "empty" handgun. He went to the hospital and they are required by law to report any gunshot cases. He got a visit from the local PD. All they wanted to see is where it happened and the gun. He was hesitant to let them in and they flat out told him they weren't looking for anything besides the gun and the accident scene. They didn't hasle him about any of the weed paraphernalia laying around.
Keep it clean (you already know that) and peroxide is your friend.

 

[Kindbud]

You're right on the police report. My old friend Mark managed to shoot the meat out of the heal of his left hand while cleaning an "empty" handgun. He went to the hospital and they are required by law to report any gunshot cases. He got a visit from the local PD. All they wanted to see is where it happened and the gun. He was hesitant to let them in and they flat out told him they weren't looking for anything besides the gun and the accident scene. They didn't hasle him about any of the weed paraphernalia laying around.
Keep it clean (you already know that) and peroxide is your friend.

Yup and personally cops are not on my list of people I want to talk too lol or even be around I've only met a couple good cops in my life and they were state troopers county cops are pieces of s*** usually but anyways yeah I mean it's clean it's okay I washed it out with alcohol and peroxide the first day and a little bit on the second day but after that I just put antibiotic stuff on it peroxide and alcohol is good for like right when it happens or the day it happens. But peroxide and alcohol actually slow healing and kills tissue and isn't good to keep applying learned that years ago.... That video was a old video it's pretty much healed up now I'll take a quick pic

 

[Kindbud]

 

[Kindbud]

Bang bang no slide blowing off no miss fire hhmmmm still trying to figure out how and what caused it to go off without my finger pulling the trigger... A mystery it shouldn't have oh well I'll blame it on the slamming back of the slide and bad luck

 

[WeedHopper]

I've had worse than that on my balls from falling into a thicket.