thestandard
moo
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2007
- Messages
- 380
- Reaction score
- 191
Hi guys! I was without the means to continue my journals for some time and have fallen out from seeing all of your progress. My grows began about this time last year. I harvested a total of like 1 lb if any of you were awaiting the result with great anticipation. 
Great to see you're all rockin hard! Many of you have exceptional talent.
Ultimatum is the buzz word for me lately. Where is life going, What am I doing, How am I going to achieve... something. Unfortunately for all of you, I am suffering from insomnia and need to vent. This will not be the average post that this message board receives. In lieu of my reservations about perturbing the status quo of marijuana passion, you all are my pot-smoking peers - few of which exist in plain sight around me.
Facts:
I'm recently out of University and have been smoking weed since the 7th grade.
I smoke(d) about 2-3 grams a week, daily smoking.
I haven't even gone cold turkey, people have been smoking around me and well, I'm an addict and I do what I do. Anyways, I'm leaving the country for greener pastures and my lifestyle is about to change abruptly for the foreseeable future. There will be no bongs nor stashes for me. I'm pinching pennies and believe it or not, the very first thing I've decided to cut out of my life is marijuana. Cut marijuana out of my life? Why!? It's been the most consistent thing in my life for over 7 years. Let me tell you why.
I've sold weed, I've grown weed and I've smoked weed. I like to smoke every day, especially at night. I love to get high after work. I like to smoke before I work out and after a bike ride. I love to get high before bed I like to smoke weed on the lift at the mountain. I like to smoke weed at parties. I like to smoke by myself. I like to smoke weed with friends. I like to get high with strangers, I love to get high with my family. I like to smoke after sex. I like to smoke before sex (it's like a condom without losing the sensitivity and climax can be more intense with the right kind of athletic stone going). With the right partner, I like to smoke during sex! I like to smoke before I write.
"Wanna match?" has been the catalyst for most of my friendships.
Marijuana, itself, is harmless. Marijuana will not hurt your body. Marijuana feels good. It cures a stomache ache. It can (and would for me right now) cure insomnia. There is even evidence out there now that the nature of THC may actually fight cancerous cells. Marijuana is a blessing of nature. It has survived natural selection and evolved along with homo sapiens.
That is not to say that the way I smoke it is natural nor good for me. Marijuana, in my life, is insidious. While it has provided the foundation of my social and private lives, it has earned me both friends and monetary success (rarely), and it has severely stymied my personal potential. I've known this for a long time and I have dismissed it as something that I can live with. Marijuana has given more than it has taken. Even though I hurt my grades, my cardiovascular endurance and my bank account, I continue a habitual use of marijuana to the point that it controls my life. All with a simple mild euphoria.
My use of marijuana dictates when I go to bed. I may smoke periodically however my nights do not end without a gradual process of stoning myself to sleep.
Marijuana dictates my diet. I do not eat in the morning because I have not yet gotten high. I am hungry late into the morning because I've been getting stoned and the corresponding hunger compounds upon itself at these hours. In the absence of Marijuana, not even quitting just perhaps having some other priorities on a particular day or week, my appetite is severely diminished. This, is unhealthy.
Women are not attracted to stoned men. I am dating, with mixed results, for the first time in years. I was attached for a large period of time to a beautiful accepting woman who, unlike most non-marijuana smokers, was not thrown off by my addiction, "habit." Out again in the land of dating, introductions and first impressions; even women who like to get high are not attracted to a stoned man. There is nothing attractive about being high, in fact it sends a message about what you're doing, what you're about and who you are that is often irreparable presuming one is unable to cultivate a mutual understanding beyond basic judgmental impressions. I, in my early 20s, am ruled by my passion for every pretty girl that smiles at me. So this is a big deal. Take issue as you will, there is nothing attractive about being high. That is not to say that, "wanna get out of here and smoke a bowl?" doesn't work. I will rely upon that sentence on friday, next week and for years to come. It's the other side of the coin, the afore mentioned impressions, that repulse you're average beautiful young girl.
Marijuana dictates what and when I do things. Earlier I said that it has constituted the foundations of my social and personal life; as I expect it does for many of you. If I have to drive down the interstate for several hours, I don't know if I can make it without. Where and with whom shall I interact - marijuana plays a huge role. Subconscious or intuitively articulated, marijuana precedes decisions and actions in my life. ****, I live in this room because this house was great for growing and the landlord is absentee.
The headaches. My brain tells me to get high. I have a pounder right now, tell you what. My brain has gotten used to the gentle cloud that bong hits and blunts put in my head. My CBM receptors are now shaped like locks and the key is THC. **** physical addiction, need mustn't be chemically nor blood based, addiction to marijuana is a fact of my life and these headaches are the truth.
Marijuana has stymied my potential. My grades in University would have been better, not that I did not excel in my own right. I have cut off, avoided or simply missed out on countless relationships and activities because of the frame that marijuana has imposed upon the context of my life. I cannot look through my own eyes without the frame, the foundational construct that marijuana has built.
I'm moving on. This is unhealthy. The virtue of marijuana has been crystallized for me in light of the insidious traps it has set for my life. I cannot let myself be limited by a whimsical addiction. Everything in moderation, including moderation. I hate to apply a paradoxical adage to my individuality but it's true. I MUST moderate this and the time is now. Smoking and cultivating marijuana has been very rewarding. However those rewards are only shells of fulfillment. It is inadequate. It is not real. I don't ******* need it. It may sound absurd but I need to be emancipated from the haze that I've become so accustomed to, that I love so, so much.
This was about me, I don't judge any of you. In fact, my motto is personal autonomy (Thanks Maslow!) and individuality inherently means that my autonomy is different from all of yours. What has intrinsic value for me may not have value for you. What fulfills me may not fulfill you. Don't get ******* offended cause I'm not interested - but feel free to respond! This is the only audience for that rant.
Great to see you're all rockin hard! Many of you have exceptional talent. Ultimatum is the buzz word for me lately. Where is life going, What am I doing, How am I going to achieve... something. Unfortunately for all of you, I am suffering from insomnia and need to vent. This will not be the average post that this message board receives. In lieu of my reservations about perturbing the status quo of marijuana passion, you all are my pot-smoking peers - few of which exist in plain sight around me.
Facts:
I'm recently out of University and have been smoking weed since the 7th grade.
I smoke(d) about 2-3 grams a week, daily smoking.
I haven't even gone cold turkey, people have been smoking around me and well, I'm an addict and I do what I do. Anyways, I'm leaving the country for greener pastures and my lifestyle is about to change abruptly for the foreseeable future. There will be no bongs nor stashes for me. I'm pinching pennies and believe it or not, the very first thing I've decided to cut out of my life is marijuana. Cut marijuana out of my life? Why!? It's been the most consistent thing in my life for over 7 years. Let me tell you why.
I've sold weed, I've grown weed and I've smoked weed. I like to smoke every day, especially at night. I love to get high after work. I like to smoke before I work out and after a bike ride. I love to get high before bed I like to smoke weed on the lift at the mountain. I like to smoke weed at parties. I like to smoke by myself. I like to smoke weed with friends. I like to get high with strangers, I love to get high with my family. I like to smoke after sex. I like to smoke before sex (it's like a condom without losing the sensitivity and climax can be more intense with the right kind of athletic stone going). With the right partner, I like to smoke during sex! I like to smoke before I write.
"Wanna match?" has been the catalyst for most of my friendships.
Marijuana, itself, is harmless. Marijuana will not hurt your body. Marijuana feels good. It cures a stomache ache. It can (and would for me right now) cure insomnia. There is even evidence out there now that the nature of THC may actually fight cancerous cells. Marijuana is a blessing of nature. It has survived natural selection and evolved along with homo sapiens.
That is not to say that the way I smoke it is natural nor good for me. Marijuana, in my life, is insidious. While it has provided the foundation of my social and private lives, it has earned me both friends and monetary success (rarely), and it has severely stymied my personal potential. I've known this for a long time and I have dismissed it as something that I can live with. Marijuana has given more than it has taken. Even though I hurt my grades, my cardiovascular endurance and my bank account, I continue a habitual use of marijuana to the point that it controls my life. All with a simple mild euphoria.
My use of marijuana dictates when I go to bed. I may smoke periodically however my nights do not end without a gradual process of stoning myself to sleep.
Marijuana dictates my diet. I do not eat in the morning because I have not yet gotten high. I am hungry late into the morning because I've been getting stoned and the corresponding hunger compounds upon itself at these hours. In the absence of Marijuana, not even quitting just perhaps having some other priorities on a particular day or week, my appetite is severely diminished. This, is unhealthy.
Women are not attracted to stoned men. I am dating, with mixed results, for the first time in years. I was attached for a large period of time to a beautiful accepting woman who, unlike most non-marijuana smokers, was not thrown off by my addiction, "habit." Out again in the land of dating, introductions and first impressions; even women who like to get high are not attracted to a stoned man. There is nothing attractive about being high, in fact it sends a message about what you're doing, what you're about and who you are that is often irreparable presuming one is unable to cultivate a mutual understanding beyond basic judgmental impressions. I, in my early 20s, am ruled by my passion for every pretty girl that smiles at me. So this is a big deal. Take issue as you will, there is nothing attractive about being high. That is not to say that, "wanna get out of here and smoke a bowl?" doesn't work. I will rely upon that sentence on friday, next week and for years to come. It's the other side of the coin, the afore mentioned impressions, that repulse you're average beautiful young girl.
Marijuana dictates what and when I do things. Earlier I said that it has constituted the foundations of my social and personal life; as I expect it does for many of you. If I have to drive down the interstate for several hours, I don't know if I can make it without. Where and with whom shall I interact - marijuana plays a huge role. Subconscious or intuitively articulated, marijuana precedes decisions and actions in my life. ****, I live in this room because this house was great for growing and the landlord is absentee.
The headaches. My brain tells me to get high. I have a pounder right now, tell you what. My brain has gotten used to the gentle cloud that bong hits and blunts put in my head. My CBM receptors are now shaped like locks and the key is THC. **** physical addiction, need mustn't be chemically nor blood based, addiction to marijuana is a fact of my life and these headaches are the truth.
Marijuana has stymied my potential. My grades in University would have been better, not that I did not excel in my own right. I have cut off, avoided or simply missed out on countless relationships and activities because of the frame that marijuana has imposed upon the context of my life. I cannot look through my own eyes without the frame, the foundational construct that marijuana has built.
I'm moving on. This is unhealthy. The virtue of marijuana has been crystallized for me in light of the insidious traps it has set for my life. I cannot let myself be limited by a whimsical addiction. Everything in moderation, including moderation. I hate to apply a paradoxical adage to my individuality but it's true. I MUST moderate this and the time is now. Smoking and cultivating marijuana has been very rewarding. However those rewards are only shells of fulfillment. It is inadequate. It is not real. I don't ******* need it. It may sound absurd but I need to be emancipated from the haze that I've become so accustomed to, that I love so, so much.
This was about me, I don't judge any of you. In fact, my motto is personal autonomy (Thanks Maslow!) and individuality inherently means that my autonomy is different from all of yours. What has intrinsic value for me may not have value for you. What fulfills me may not fulfill you. Don't get ******* offended cause I'm not interested - but feel free to respond! This is the only audience for that rant.
