Ptsd

[N.E.wguy]

Friends and Life with PTSD

I was asked a question and I will be completely honest, this is a very hard one for me to swallow. But you know me and I say it like it is, so here it goes...

"Do you and Craig have many friends?"

Let me start by saying, back before PTSD became a part of our lives we were known as the social butterflies. We had many friends, more then some people would have in a lifetime. We have never been ones to judge people and we accept people for who they are and had friends of many different walks of life.

We had many friends growing up. Craig was actually asked recently "How many friends could you confide in, true friendships of people you could trust before PTSD?" His truthful answer, "About 20 or so." The response back to him, "That's a lot."

We were the ones having cookouts, parties, family gatherings, always going out, always traveling. We loved to rv or jump in our plane at any given time and just go. We never met a stranger, and anyone who knows what RVing is like knows that ones that RV are always meeting new people and making new friends at every stop. It was always our "camping" site that everyone would gather in, laugh, joke, and tell stories. Craig and I had literally traveled across country and back many times and made many friendships along the way.

Then life changed. This illness called PTSD showed up. That part of our lives that we grew up knowing, being the social butterflies, disappeared.

Boy this one is hard to write lol.

I can honestly say, there are 2 of Craig's military brothers that have always stayed in touch. They don't live here, so it's not like they can just drop by, and one I have never actually met but have talked on the phone to and through fb. The other lives in another country and has for some time now, but he did stop to see us a couple of times before leaving the states, and still calls to check on us. Craig has one person that sends him messages almost daily, but in honest doesn't understand PTSD.

We have had a few friends come in and go out of our lives since PTSD. Nothing on what you would consider a long term "normal" friendship basis.

We have some that keep up with us through social media, some will like what we post or make comments at times, but we don't ever see them face to face, so again, not what you would consider a normal friendship.

And I can't and won't say it's always because of them, there have been ones to mention coming by or getting together, there have been a few to ask us to meet them out somewhere for a drink or to go to the beach on occasion. But that's not things PTSD really allows in our lives. You have bar settings or crowds, and those are just things that PTSD does not allow in our case.

My friends? For those of you that have stuck by me through social media, trust me I love ya for it greatly and for you being on here! But I don't have any that I could say is a true "normal" friendship anymore. When times were really rough with PTSD my friends could not take the way I was being treated, and they put distance between them and I. No, I don't blame them and I never will, I still value them even though the friendships have faded. But they could not understand PTSD and why I stayed. I was told by my best friend, "I love you dearly, but I can't stand by and watch you two go through this." It was an honest statement.

And this is by no means meant to make any of you that know us personally feel guilty! DON'T. Life is what it is and over time Craig and I have accepted it. So please don't pick up the phone and call just because I'm being open and honest here with answering this lol.

Over time we have noticed that the phone normally only rings when someone wants something... and that doesn't settle well to be honest. I mean we would give the shirts off our backs to anyone who needed it, however a true meaning of friendship comes with much more then calling when you need or want something.

Then there's the "our lives are too busy", we hear that one a lot. People are so consumed with their own lives, which again is a fair statement, that they don't have time for friendships with a family that battles PTSD... or it's a nice way of avoiding one.

The word friendship becomes something with great meaning and a lot to it once PTSD steps into your life. Not everyone can handle what PTSD brings or can bring. Having true friendships is something that is extremely difficult. And for others to understand why you cancel plans, or can't make it somewhere, or need a down day with no one around... that's hard for one's that don't understand or don't live with PTSD to comprehend. And eventually they do walk away because it's not something many understand how to handle, and many times they take it personally when it's by no means meant that way.

The "friends" that understand the most, that are there for us to chat with, there for us to vent to or talk about things and life. In all honesty, they are the ones that know the shoes we stand in... and are standing in themselves. And you want to know something, they are also the ones we have never actually met face to face.

PTSD changed our lives it changed what social interaction with others is like. We no longer know what a "normal" friendship is. People coming over is extremely few and far in between, us going out is really almost completely out of the question, gatherings are extremely stressful and difficult to accomplish... even with family, travelling has been out of the question for years now except when we have to pick up Craig's children for visitation which is there and back in one day... way more then anyone should have to do.

But you won't hear me complaining. Life changes when PTSD becomes a part of it, that's something we have accepted and understand. And we sure don't hold anything against anyone. Craig does hold great guilt towards himself for life not being what we expected or wanted it to be, because of PTSD. Every day he tells me I deserve better. But let me tell you something, no matter what has changed in our lives and how PTSD has drastically effected it... I would not ever want what we lost back, if it meant I would lose him.

PTSD or no PTSD, my husband IS my best friend. He's my rock, he's still the other half of every heart beat my heart takes and I wouldn't change that for the world! Friends may come and friends may go, PTSD may bring a lot that is not always going to be viewed as fair. But through whatever PTSD and life with it brings, there is one thing that never changes, him and I living this life together!

Well, you asked lol, so there it is. It's just another part of our story.

~Bec
"A Spouse's Story...PTSD"



PTSD vs Energy Levels

Humm… I was in the front yard the other day and looked at my calla lilies that are coming up. Then I looked around and thought to myself, I really need to finish this front garden… the ol’ knee injury stopped me from finishing it last summer so it’s only half done and not many plants yet. This yard could be absolutely gorgeous if I could just find the energy to finish it! To be honest lol, I don't go out front very often, I like going out back to my pond and the lake. The front yard is pretty small, so I’m making it almost all gardens with pathways between them… at least that’s what I’m visioning lol.

Now back to that energy part lol! Sleepless nights equal lack of energy, then there’s only so many hours of sunlight in a day when a nap is really needed. If I could work outside when I’m up at 2 in the morning it would be perfect lolol! But that is not happening!

There’s one thing, among many, about PTSD… rather you are the one with PTSD or the loved one, sometimes it’s hard to get things completed. You find yourself with a list of things you need to do or want to do but just don’t have the energy to get them done.

Things that can help:

* Sleep!
Even if you have to take that nap during the day, take it so you can get going again.

* Eat right.
We all know that food is a source of energy for the body, make sure you eat and eat correctly.

* Prioritize.
Make a to-do list. One part of the list for things you must get done, another for things you want to do, and get this and a part for quick and simple to-do’s for those days where you don’t have much energy.

By breaking your list into sections you are more apt to be able to “see” what will fit into your energy level for the day without trying to do too much or feeling like a failure if something does not get completed because it’s out of range for your energy level for that day.

* Ask for Help.
If you have a project that you know someone could help out with, don’t feel bad about asking for help. This is a great way to create family projects, time, and get a job done faster.

If family is not available, contact local churches, youth groups, VFW’s, etc. and ask if they have someone that could assist you.

* Hire Help.
If it’s something you can afford or something you can’t do yourself, find someone who can. Many times certain projects can be done by neighborhood teenagers looking to make that extra gas money. If it needs a professional then look in local “need job” listings to see if there is someone in need of doing that type of work. Many times it will not only help you but can also help someone that is out of work right now.

*Use your energy wisely.
When you have energy, use it wisely and do something. This helps you feel good, feel you accomplished something, and not have that feeling of you wasted another day and didn’t get anything done.

These are just a few things that can help! Life with PTSD has it’s ups and downs, we all know that. When you find the energy let it work for you and help you feel good about yourself in the process.

~Bec
“A Spouse’s Story…PTSD”

 

[N.E.wguy]

Just when you thought lions, and tigers, and bears were something else...

Anxiety or Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, Memories, ...OH MY!

I mention coping skills all of the time. But what are they? How do they help? When do you use them? Let's see if we can talk about these things and make the term "coping skills" make a little more sense. Again, I'm not a doctor so this is from my personal observations and/or experiences.

Anxiety or Panic Attacks.

This is when you feel your heart pounding, heart palpitations, your adrenaline is rushing, you feel like you are having a heart attack which many times can lead to more panic and fear. I myself suffer from these so I can speak from a very personal point of view on this one.

When I first experienced one I thought for sure I was going to die! Over time I learned to control them when they come though. I don't get them nearly as often now... why? I use methods of coping when I feel one starting.

Breathe! This is one of the things that can work the best for you! I use the same exact things that Craig was taught to use for his PTSD. It's a rather simple exercise and improves with practice.

- First you have to breathe through your abdomen (the correct way to breathe in the first place which many do not do), not your chest.
- Take a deep breath i through your nose 2-3-4, hold it 2-3-4, then let it out through your mouth 2-3-4.

What you are doing is slowing down your breathing by counting which slows down the panic. You are focusing on the breathing and counting and not what the "what if" of your heart pounding or whatever thought had caused the panic attack to begin with.

Flashbacks

A flashback is when you believe the trauma you experienced is happening all over again. The intrusive thoughts, feelings, and emotions of that very trauma. But in reality of real time, the right now, the trauma is not happening even though to you it is very real.

When these happen or you feel them starting...

- Focus on something near you. It could be an animal, a car, a tree, anything that can help keep you grounded to the current place you are actually at.

- Don't close your eyes! When you close your eyes you are allowing your brain and thoughts to take over and take you back to the trauma. By keeping your eyes open you can help manage the flashback.

- Talk to someone or them talk to you. This can also help you from going further into the flashback. Talk about what is happening right then, where you are, what the date is, who is there with you... if you are the other person there say your name to the one having the flashback. This helps keep the person focused on who they are with and can help prevent them from thinking you are someone that was there when the trauma occurred.

- Walk around, pace, keep your body moving. This can also help keep you grounded.

- Drink or eat something. Seriously! Focus on every swallow you take. What you are doing is refocusing off of the trauma that happened and onto the present time and what you are doing right now.

- Remind yourself (or the one that is having the flashback) that this is a normal response to the trauma. Flashbacks do happen and are a normal response. By accepting that these do or can happen can help you (them) get through them and help ground them from the flashback.

Memories

Memories include not only memories but also the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and images of the trauma.

Here's the largest key to handling these... They are just that, memories. Remind yourself that even though they seem by all means real and they are based off of something that did really happen, right now, this moment, they are a memory and not really happening again right now.

It might help talking to someone about them, someone you trust or a doctor. In many cases, talking about the memories can lesson the impact they have on you. I won't say they will go away, they are still a memory, but what they do to you could lessen over time with talking and learning to cope with them correctly.

To say the least if I added in every symptom PTSD brings, you would be reading all day So here are a few more coping skills that can be used for other PTSD symptoms as well:

* Focusing on present time and place.
* Get outside and enjoy nature.
* Exercise, any type of exercise.
* Talk to someone you trust.
* Find something you enjoy doing.
* Write! Get those feelings out on paper!
* Give yourself a "cooling off" time when angry or irritable. Keep in mind that staying angry is not useful to moving forward.
* Listen to soothing music.
* Slow down! Don't allow anxiety to push you into high speed.
* Make "to-do" lists by priority and don't overwhelm yourself.
* If you have an outburst towards a family member or friend, once you have calmed down talk to them. Don't just let it go!
* Trauma can bring you down, try to remember and think of positive things to help yourself recover from the down.
* Remember to tell loved ones you do love them. We all know PTSD can bring some very rough times, don't forget to let your support team know you are glad they are there.
*Meditation. There are many different types, learn which ones could work for you and try them!

It boils down to an extremely long list. Just remember to do what you can to help yourself cope or to help the one you love.

~Bec
"A Spouse's Story...PTSD"


Things NOT to say to one with PTSD and Why.

 

[N.E.wguy]

In going over things NOT to say to a person that suffers from PTSD, I know there are a lot of lists out there. But what about the “why” to those lists? You can tell anyone not to say certain things, but it makes more sense when you can understand why you should not say them. I have listed a FEW of them here and over time will add to this, but here is a good start.

What NOT to say to one who suffers from PTSD and Why:

*It’s in your head, just don’t think about it. Get over it.

This is one of the most uneducated phrases out there regarding PTSD. How is one suppose to not think about it? PTSD was formed from a serious trauma, this trauma repeats itself over and over in their DREAMS! Dreams are a way of the mind venting what has happened. No one has the physical ability to just get over it. Flashbacks, this is something that happens from a trigger which could be a sight, a smell, a certain feeling of a breeze that blows bt you. These lead to flashbacks which is where the person thinks they are actually back in the place and reliving the trauma which lead to PTSD. They zone out as I say it, they are right before you physically but they are not “there”. It takes a long time and effort to learn to cope with triggers to prevent them from taking over, sometimes they are not going to be avoided. Can you control your dreams? Nope, sure can’t. How many times have you dreamed something and woke up thinking why did I dream that? Many times I would guess. Well one who suffers from PTSD relives their trauma in their dreams, over and over again. If you can’t predict and control what you dream, how would you expect one who has PTSD to do it? You can’t. There is no such thing as getting over it or don’t think about it. Even with all of the medications, coping skills, and professional help, at times it is still going to be there.

*You don’t need medications, you’re fine. You act so normal.

How would you feel if someone told you that you are fine, you don’t need your cancer treatment, or blood presure medication? You would probably answer them in anger and tell them your life depends on those things! Ah, we hit a nerve. PTSD is no different. Those medications are what help a person be able to find a place where they can cope with PTSD. The medications are what make them seem normal to you. In reality, if you do not live with the person, most likely you are going to only see them on a good day when they are actually able to leave the house. Be thankful this person reached for help and does have those medications, or you might not see them very often at all. Many with PTSD do not leave home because they do not want others seeing the rough side of PTSD. They want to be viewed as normal, and are just like the next person, they just have a tougher battle that is there every day they have to fight to feel that normal.

*Pull yourself up by your bootstraps soldier.

Pull up your bootstraps, hummm. Actually, they DID! The fact is PTSD sets in with what I call “the best of the best”. The ones that indeed have pulled up their bootstraps one too many times, the one that stood tall and took every trauma thrown at them. A human can only take so much trauma before something is going to give, that something is called PTSD. It when you have taken so much that your mind just wants to shut it out, which turns into a battle withing yourself. It turns into nightmares or terrors, anxiety, hypervigilence, anger, lack of self esteem, and all of the other symptoms that form PTSD. Being in a position to pull those bootstraps one too many times has factually lead many to developing PTSD. Wanna pull on your bootstraps a little too hard? No, you don’t.

*Did you kill anyone?

The one question that shows no respect at all. Again, turn the question back to yourself. Many people are raised with some sort of religious upbringing, take that then be in a position to where killing someone was your job, what you have to do. Then take that and turn around ask ask that person if they killed someone. What do you think is going to happen. One of two things normally, you are either going to set them off or they are going to walk away from you and never look back. Let’s be real, if you know a person was in a position where they might have had to kill someone, do you think there is any respect in asking that question? NO! One with PTSD has a hard enough time coping with the past, don’t put it in their face. Have respect that the person in front of you put their life on the line for someone else’s. If you have the urge to see death, try joining the military or police force. It will cure that urge real fast. Life is not a video game!

*If you could go out last week, why can’t you go out now?

One of the most stressful questions to PTSD. With PTSD every single day is different. A person might be angry one day, happy the next. They might have 3 good days followed by 2 weeks of bad ones. They have a hard time making schedules and keeping them. Planning things in advance is extreme for them. If they have a day they do go out, be thankful for it! And understanding on the days they can’t make it out the front door. All it takes is one thing to trigger their PTSD and a good day can head south. They have to focus on every single aspect of their day and things around them to make it through the day, sometimes that is too much of a struggle and it mentally and physically wears them out. When they do make it out, they tend to mask PTSD with a smile, normal, they just want to fit in and feel normal. As I say it, take the good days when you can get them and be of help and support when they are bad. Anything can be rescheduled for another day, have the understanding to do so if it’s a day they can’t get out. Goes back to no expectations, never expect too much.

*I’ve been through things too, that’s life.

Sure! Everyone has been through something, very true. However, when a person has been through a life threatening trauma, sometimes more then one, and they stand strong and hold it in… that holding it in builds and begins to weigh on you. Not everyone handles trauma the same way, and it’s normally the strongest people that PTSD affects. They are normally the ones that have lived through, seen more, and also may have guilt of being the one who did survive. If you understand PTSD, this is something you would never quote to a person.

*So you are crazy.

The good ol’ crazy statement. The old reliable for those that don’t get it, don’t understand it, and are uneducated. PTSD does not mean you are crazy! PTSD means you have experienced a massive trauma that changed your life. Anyone can develop PTSD, so it’s one of those things where before you judge someone else, would you want that said to you? Again NO! PTSD converts the trauma into nightmares or terrors, flashbacks, vents in anger at times or verbally. But it by no means means a person who suffers from it is crazy. Many of them are vey educated, more understanding of life, and some of the strongest people you will ever meet.

*Man you’ve gained weight!

Really? Wow that’s great for anyone’s self esteem! Pointing out weight gain on a person that is on medications… which cause weight gain by the way… many that fight depression which keeps them from being active, and PTSD has effected their lives to where they can’t seem to be able to do the things they use to because the battle is mentally and physically draining, is disrespectful! Weight gain and self esteem are two of the most deadliest battles of PTSD and/or depression. Even if you view it as a joking manner, they are not going to! One with PTSD needs support of those they are around. Telling them they are fat or getting fat is not support by any means!

*So you are a spouse beater.

Oh my! Those are fighting words within themselves. Just because a person has PTSD does not mean they are monsters or physically abusive to anyone! Yes, one with PTSD has anger, but normally that anger is with themselves! They judge themselves that they could have done something differently for a different outcome to what they experienced, they could have tried harder, they should have been there, the list is endless. I’m not saying that physical abuse may not be a part of one’s PTSD, sometimes it is and outside help is needed to get it under control. But majority of the time it’s not. They vent anger verbally, sometimes they might throw things or punch a wall or such. But the abuse is more towards themselves then someone else. Many that I know with PTSD are actually the most caring, loving, understanding people that would do anything to help another person. Especially their spouse!

 

[N.E.wguy]

*You can’t be a good parent if you have PTSD.

This is far from the truth! And I know this first hand! One who suffers from PTSD can be a better parent then some of the parents out there. They put effort in everything they do, it’s a part of surviving PTSD, therefore place a great deal into parenting. They don’t want to do wrong, they don’t want it to effect their children, they want to be the best person they can be. So when it comes to children, children give them the sense of being needed and many that are parents put extra effort into getting professional help so they can be that good parent. That parent know there is someone relying on them… that actually makes a huge difference in coping and managing their PTSD. They might not be able to attend every school event, but I bet they will put every effort into it. Another thing to add to this, having a parent with PTSD educates children to a whole new respect for life, for others, and can very well be the generation, if taught about it, to change the stigma of PTSD and other disabilities.


What can you do if you experience suicidal thoughts?

We talk a lot about how suicidal thoughts or any thoughts of self harm are very real to many that suffer from PTSD and/or Dissociation.

Just to note, I have started posting more about dissociative symptoms as well because many do not know about them however they are extremely common with PTSD and many times give the explanation for symptoms that do not seem to fit the common PTSD symptoms. Note: Recently dissociative symptoms were added to the PTSD symptoms list.

So we know these thoughts can be present, some experience them quite often, some all of the time, and some from time to time. So what can you do when you have these thoughts of self harm?

* Professional Help.

By all means one of the first steps you can take is getting help! Having someone to talk to, vent to, even rant to can help you battle these thoughts on a professional level.

*Suicide Hotlines.

USE the suicide hotlines. There are there for you! The VA has a hotline for veterans and family and there are also many local hotlines available in many locations.

* Safe Room.

This is one that many do not have or use but could be very helpful, especially if you live on your own. Create a room that would be safe for you to go to when you are having feelings of self harm. A room that in painted in relaxing colors, no objects that you could harm yourself with, maybe just some photos of relaxing things to you or what are important to you that could help you focus on the good things in your life. You could have a wireless/cell phone in this room for outside help communication. Make it a quiet place where you can help yourself focus on getting through your thoughts.

* Comfort Animal.

I you have a pet that you love, use it to comfort you. Pets can do amazing things to help turn your thoughts to a positive direction. They are known for reducing blood pressure, anxiety, and offering a way to cope. Animals bond to their human and show you a sign that you are needed. All it takes is just simply sitting with them and petting them.

* Movies.

Have on hand a few good, happy, funny movies. Watching movies that have happy meaning to them can help you avoid the feelings of self harm as you sink yourself into what you are watching, actually a normal form of dissociating that we all can do. Even if you watch two even three movies, that’s okay. However many it takes to help you focus on something other then the harmful thoughts.

* Call a friend.

Call a friend and talk about anything! A friend is good for distracting yourself from the self harm thoughts, talk about the weather, a sports event, anything! Use the company of the friend to help you through this time.

* Take a shower.

Let the water help soothe you and help release the stress. While doing so talk out loud, cry, let the emotions and feelings out. The sound of water and how it can soothe the body can be of huge help.

* Drawing.

Draw out your feelings. If you are one that wants to cut yourself, try this instead… use a red marker and draw on yourself instead of using an object that could harm yourself. Let the feelings out but with avoiding the actual act of harm.

* Hit a pillow.

This is a very common one used. Instead of taking the feelings out on objects of harm or other people, hit a pillow over and over to release the stress and feelings.

* Rubber band.

This is also another thing that is commonly used. Put a rubber band on your wrist and when self harm or even stress comes, snap the rubber band.

* Journal.

Writing or typing out your feelings, thoughts, emotions can do wonders! Put your thoughts on paper and allow them to help release you from what you are experiencing.

* Read.

Same as with movies, read your favorite book or a good new book to take your mind off of the self harm and focus on the words you are reading.

* Clean.

This is one that women are very use to using, clean the house top to bottom. It keeps you busy, releases stress, and is an activity of exercise.

* Exercise.

Exercising or even taking a walk can help release built up energy which can be helpful with coping through harmful thoughts.

* Music.

Music soothes the soul… seriously. Listen to soothing music, focus on the music, it can help.

* Online activities/games.

We all know how hypnotic and time consuming they can be. In times of suicidal thoughts these things can be used to your advantage. Just be careful of becoming an addict which can easily be done. Use these things in times of those harmful feeling to help you refocus.

* Sleep.

Sleep is a hard one for one with PTSD, however taking a nap during harmful thoughts can be very helpful. In many cases, naps during the day might not bring the same nightmares/terrors the night brings, and you could probably use the extra sleep anyway. It can also help reduce feelings of anger or frustration.

* Kind people.

Some time in your life there has been someone that was kind to you or many people who were kind, look up to you, value you. Think about them and their kind words, focus on all of the good things they find in you, the good things that ARE there in you.

* Meditation.

Allow yourself to focus in your mind of a happy place, a place you enjoy, a vacation. Someplace peaceful. There are many forms of meditation, learn some of them and use them to help yourself.

* Talk to someone close to you.

Sit and let it all out! Lean on a loved one. Ask them to just listen and not judge or tell you what to do, just listen.

Whatever it takes, get help and know the things you can do to help yourself!

These are just a few things you can do to help yourself. Thoughts of self harm with PTSD are very real, but having the right things to use to fight those feelings are urgent. And YOU are well worth the fight! Never give up on yourself and know that there are many things and many people that can help you through this!

 

[N.E.wguy]

Perimeter security and PTSD: Paranoia

This is something that becomes a huge part of life with PTSD for many. Checking the window and door locks seems to be the most common, but it can go much further then that for many. It’s linked to paranoia that PTSD can bring in relation to one’s safety.

See, once you experience something that possibly threatened your life, and most likely linked to your PTSD, you become alert, many times over alert. This is common in veterans/military, assault/rape victims, and abuse victims… I like the term survivor better personally. It’s your natural defense for the “I won’t let that happen to me again.”

Caution to me is always a good thing, however it can consume you if you allow it to. The fear of the attacker or situation, and belief it will happen again takes over.

You could find yourself not only checking doors and windows but also constantly looking out the windows, seeing and hearing everything, noticing and being alert to everything that moves from the corner of your eye, find it hard to make eye contact with others or letting them too close to you, being over cautious to your loved one’s safety, etc.

Your defenses for protection can go into over drive. Extra security around the house, cameras, lights, video recording systems, electric fences, fences in general, guard dogs… and even weapons. There are some that use geese for their alert system, and some that go to extra measures of the type of landscaping and gravel/rock around their homes. Many even move out of populated areas or to ones that have more space to where it is more noticeable if someone approaches. And also gives PTSD a breathe of space and silence from the busy world.

The measures one may take for their safety and piece of mind can be great but again, they can also consume you… which is not a good thing many times.

So what are things that you can do to help you feel more secure yet not let it consume you?

* Window treatments.

- There are so many different kinds these days! There are blackout curtains where you can see out but others can’t see in.

- Curtains that are more thin so you still get light in and not feel confined inside but can be followed up by a heavier curtain for times they need to be closed.

- Sometimes if the paranoia is really high, it’s good to just close the blinds and focus on coping.

* Electronics.

Cameras, computer systems, house alarms…

With technology these days this one is endless. Whatever system you choose to use, if you choose to use one, just make sure it is not going to be to the extent that others within your home feel like prisoners. As well as your neighbors not feel like the FBI moved in next door. Paranoia can roll over to others very easily and you sure don’t want people saying you are out of your mind or feel threatened/scared of you.

* Lights.

Think out of the box on this one. Sometimes those fluid lights are not always needed. Motion sensor lights can be an easy fix as long as you set them in the right locations and remember that sometimes they can be set off by animals and strong winds.

But there are other things these days you can also use. Landscape lighting, glow in the dark stepping stones and/or garden fixtures, lamp posts… Things that will blend in that are appealing to the eyes of outsiders and not cause alarm or over reactions from neighbors, but still give you the sense of security.

* Locks.

Fort Knox is not needed to feel safe. There are many products on the market now that can be used and do just as good of a job. There are lock sets that can easily be changed or code changed after someone has had access to your home such as a repair man or relative. Locks on windows can be updated. Just whatever you use, remember if there is an emergency and people need to get out, they can get out… this is where you don’t let the security consume you to the point it could cause harm.

* Dogs.

I am putting this in here for a very good reason, this seems to be the first thing by human nature to turn to. I know just a little bit about this subject lol.

For those of you that turn to using dogs for protection or alert purposes there are a few things to keep in mind.

- A dog is a responsibility.

- Getting an aggressive breed of dog and putting it in a back yard and/or confining it from people outside your family is only going to cause you more problems and heartache and could very well damage your checkbook.

- Dogs are pack animals, they in majority of cases will not protect someone they are not bonded with. In many cases they will welcome an intruder that gives them attention. You also have the chance of them attacking a child or someone they should not, that isn’t a threat, if they are not properly trained. Majority of dog bites happen within the dog’s own family. And PLEASE don't put a dog on a chain! If you do, you are asking for serious trouble.

- If you are one that decides a dog is what you feel you need for protection, make sure it is trained and socialized, it could save you from possible legal action and problems within your own home.

- In my opinion the best dog is a quiet one unless there is a true reason for alarm/alert, well socialized and trained, and one that is a family dog I can almost guarantee you will do the job it needs to if that time arises. On the norm, note by no means in all cases, just the appearance of a dog present can detour one. The best thing you can do for the dog and your family is make sure the dog is PART of the family.

Okay, I will spare you there, you know I could write a book on this one.

There are many things you can do to help lessen the feelings PTSD can bring. Use your coping skills! There are also many worksheets out there that can come in handy when these feelings overwhelm you, they allow you to see with your own eyes the differences between the facts at hand and the “what if’s”. Once you are use to using these skills, they don’t have to be done on paper but can be used mentally. Always look at the facts at hand and learn to face what you are feeling, which are very real, but find ways to not let it consume you and your loved one’s lives.

Caution is always welcomed, just don’t let it consume you to the point you become a prisoner to it.

~Bec
“A Spouse’s Story…PTSD”

 

[N.E.wguy]

Just to give you a little background (because at times I am asked)...
Just to give you a little background (because at times I am asked)...

I do NOT profit any money from what I do here, and I do NOT collect donations. Everything I do is out of my own pocket, from my heart, and because I want to do it.

I know what Craig and I went through when we had no clue it was PTSD effecting him, then when we were told it was PTSD we were completely lost. We did not have anyone or organization to help us find answers, we were left to battle it on our own until several years later.

I didn't like being in those shoes, I saw what it caused, and when no one could give us the answers we were looking for, I started looking for them on my own. I knew my husband before PTSD, and I knew PTSD changed him in many ways. So I looked for answers, solutions, came up with our own ways of coping, and looked to find others out there like us... I refused to believe we were only in this.

What did I find? MANY of us facing the same battle and many still lost to what to do or what could help. I set out on a mission. If I felt that way myself... and so did Craig, then others do also and if I could prevent them (you) from going through everything we did, hell to be blunt about it, then I would do anything within my power, around my time of taking care of Craig and our family, to keep it from happening to others.

That is how "A Spouse's Story PTSD" started. My little hole on the internet as I call it. This is a place for support, friendships... "family" as I view it as, and where people going through the same things can gather to help each other out.

EVERYONE is welcomed here! I am a firm believer that even though this is "A Spouse's Story", there are still two sides to every story and to get the correct insight you HAVE to have both sides. We do have just as many here that suffer from PTSD as we do spouses and family members. We have many that are here just to learn or are curious. That's good! The more that know about PTSD and what life is really like with it, the more we can help others and the better educated the public will become and the stigma can ease.

You know that saying "you fear the unknown"? That's kind of the category PTSD falls into. People fear what they do not understand. WE can change that! And we WILL change that even if it's just one person at a time. Everyone deserves the best life possible and educating others can help bring that.

I never anticipated so many to come to "A Spouse's Story PTSD", lol, it's actually amazing at how many are truly looking for answers to what they or their loved one are experiencing. I do not believe in having to "like" a page to find information one needs. This page and my website are open to anyone that wants to learn or see PTSD and life with it through our eyes and our story. We average about 700,000 we reach at any given day. That's a lot of people looking for help and understanding. And that's not even close to all of them!

This has truly become a family and a serious support system on here and the website. You all are awesome and Craig and I are thankful to have each and every one of you in our lives. No one can battle PTSD alone, but we can sure do it in numbers... and we are doing just that! ♥

To those of you that may not be aware of my website, let me give you a little information and you are more then welcome to "share" this with others if you would like to.

yyy.aspousesstoryptsd.com

The website contains:

* A short version of our story (which I am being begged to write the book so time will tell on that one.

* Question & Answer page

* My Journal aka blog which contain all of my writings in categories, so feel free to use it as a reference.

* Crisis Info. Which contains helpful links, online chat links, and phone numbers for crisis situations around the world.

* Awareness page which will have information which can be printed etc.

* Video page

* Resources Page which has many links to great information, other websites, support groups, books, PTSD information, social media, organizations and much more.

As time goes by and our story goes on by all means the website will continue to build.

So, with that said, welcome to the family on here!

~Bec
"A Spouse's Story...PTSD"



Thank you for taking the time to read this and educate yourself. As always, with any of my postings please feel free to “share” them, there is a great need for education and it will be of help to someone.
~Bec

 

[N.E.wguy]

PTSD Treatment/Therapy

Okay, to start off I am by no means a doctor of any sort so will not give medical advise. I have many ask me what therapy/treatment works best for PTSD?

You might not like my answer lol. It will all depend on you!

There are a ton of different treatments, therapy methods, and medications that can help PTSD. But when it boils down to it, each person may respond differently to each one of them. There is not a set formula, there's not one pill, and even though PTSD symptoms are much the same, how they are treated may need to be differently then another person. It's all done on an individual basis.

You might notice I don't talk about which medications Craig is on, that's for a very good reason. What works for him may not work for someone else. I don't talk much about treatment or therapy (besides one on one therapy which I think everyone should have, just my opinion). It's because what works in one case may not work for the next.

Therapy and treatment options can be based around many things such as...

* Where a person is with suicide levels of thought or past attempts.

* What a doctor feels they can handle or can't handle as therapy.

* What medications or combination of medications a person is already on. OR if a person should even be on medications.

* Based on exactly what happened to them and finding which thing will help that "what happened" the best.

* Where a person stands at this time with coping skills.

* The symptoms that are most apparent at this moment.

Those are just a few examples, but shows you there are many things that have to be taken into consideration when making a decision of what to use or what could help per individual.

PTSD does not have a "cure" as of this time... again in my opinion... if there was one there would not be such a long history of PTSD cases as well as new ones. However, there are ways to treat the symptoms! Many different things available. You have to find what is right for you, and by all means talk with your doctors about the options!

There are many people who hear something that worked for someone else and push doctors to use that for them. Be careful with this. If you show an interest in trying something new a doctor will take that as a good sign of you trying and might try it with you, however don't be pushy, make sure you ask your doctor if THEY think this is something that could be used in your case. Your doctor knows you, knows your symptoms, and can in majority of cases give you the best advice of what to try and what not to "at this time". It doesn't mean at some point you may not be able to try it, sometimes it means you just may not be ready for that method.

~Bec
"A Spouse's Story...PTSD"

 

[N.E.wguy]

What do you do when a dear friend is diagnosed with PTSD?

You simply remind them that PTSD does not change the way you feel about them, it doesn’t change the way you view them, they are still your friend and it just means they need you now to be the friend you have always been, unconditionally. They can still make you laugh and they can still be there when you cry, and you for them too. They are still a special person that friends and family love dearly and my goodness where would this world be without them!

It might mean they need a little more of your time, but time is just something on a clock that you don’t have to sit and watch pass by. It might mean they need you to listen a little more before giving your input or sometimes just being that ear, nothing wrong with that either. It might mean they have rough days when they don’t want to talk or see anyone, we all have those days, so that’s okay too. They might be the one that was the supporter and now might need a little more support of their own, I don’t see a problem there either. It means that when you see their chin drop down you smile and remind them to pick it back up. A dear friend, is a dear friend through thick and thin, nothing will ever change that... so don't let PTSD change that either. Don’t ever forget what a true friendship is all about.

Yes, this is to all of you!

SMILE our "family"! It will be okay…you have friends! We’ve got your back too!!!

 

[N.E.wguy]

Did you know that the symptoms of PTSD are the body’s way of trying to cope with the traumatic event(s) that happened?

It is very important for family members and friends to understand this! It’s not that the person with PTSD is purposely “acting” this way or that, it’s the bodies way of coping. It’s not something they can control or turn on or off. It also is not personal against or directed towards anyone! To better understand how you can help your loved one you have to learn about the symptoms of PTSD and why those symptoms are there.

The symptoms are many times mistaken as “coming out of nowhere”. This is actually not true. If you pay close attention you will notice something, such as a sound, sight, or even a smell can cause a change in your loved one’s mood, anger, frustration, reactions to things. This is referred to as a “trigger”.

Crowds are a great example of a trigger. They can cause the person to feel unsafe or even that their family may be unsafe in that environment. Crowds bring a lot of noise, strange people, smells, and become overwhelming and cause them to be on guard during that time. They can also remind the person of the traumatic event that took place leading to your loved one rethinking about what happened or what they saw. This is where avoidance comes from, it’s not that they don’t want to attend or don’t want to go out or spend time with you… it’s that those things can bring on triggers that they are avoiding.

Avoidance goes much deeper then crowds though. It can effect them personally. Feelings, emotions, relationships. They don’t do it on purpose, it is part of what PTSD brings. They start feeling distant from others, have trouble feeling positive, and even being able to feel joy in their life, love, or happiness. They can lose interest in things they use to enjoy. This is what we refer to as “emotional numbing” and is very common with PTSD. It does not mean they don’t love you, don’t want to be with you, it’s that their emotions are numb and their true feelings can’t come out.

At times they may feel that the traumatic event is reoccurring. This is known by many as a “flashback”. Where they are not “there” or “grounded” to the present time. During these they might not even know who you are and might even think you are someone else. This is a dissociative state and they normally do not know what they are doing or how they are acting, so their actions are by no means done on purpose, their distress and anxiety also rises. During this time or these states, it’s important to help ground them. Just talking to them and repeating who you are and where you are, even what year it is can help. Don’t panic, stay calm so you don’t add to the stress they are experiencing. Don’t try to touch them or hold on to them during these, if they do not recognize who you are they could believe they are physically being attacked, especially if their trauma was related to combat, sexual assault, personal attack, or anything which had direct physical contact to them.

PTSD will cause them to have reoccurring thoughts as well as nightmares. During this time, many times you can notice they will start sweating or their heart starts racing. Knowing or learning the physical signs that come with PTSD will help you learn when they have been triggered and help you know how to react or help them, as well as what to avoid in the future when needed.

During nightmares, it is important to remember not to touch them. To them they, again, are reliving what they went through and might not know who you are or where they are. Keep a safe distance during these and just talk to them to ground them to the here and now as well as who you are. There is not an on or off switch, so you have to learn what you can do to help them through these times. Nightmares also bring twitching, leg movement, talking or screaming out loud, and in some cases them fighting a battle physically. Keep that safe distance during these! One with PTSD NEVER means to physically harm someone, but it can happen if you are in the way while nightmares/terrors are happening.

That leads me to safety protocol, again no one purposely harms someone they care about! But putting safety protocol in place within your home can save a lot of issues from happening as well as the one with PTSD facing the guilt of something happening that they were not in control of in the first place.

Some examples you can easily put into place are:

* Designate a room for the person with PTSD when they are having a rough day. This gives them space and a quiet area for them to be able to cope with what they are feeling at that time. Teach children not to enter this space without being invited.

* A simple rule of announcing yourself when entering a room with the person who has PTSD. Let them know you are there so they are not caught off guard.

* Teach children not to play the games that could startle one with PTSD, like jumping on their back when they don’t know you are coming, or jumping from a hiding place. Children learn quickly and accept these types of rules, teach them!

* If a person with PTSD is being quiet, allow them that quiet time. Normally if they get quiet they are fighting anger or frustration and nagging them could lead to an argument or a spike in their anger. Give them that time and accept their quietness as they are coping and it’s not something personal against you. Use this time to do other things you need to do or spend one on one time with your children. When the one with PTSD finds their balance, they will join in or open up.

PTSD does not mean you don’t have a life! It just means life is now different. Learn what you can about it, teach your children on their age level, and you will find a way to learn to cope as well as help your loved one cope with what PTSD will bring.

~Bec
“A Spouse’s Story…PTSD”

 

[N.E.wguy]

PTSD and Dissociation

As I mentioned the other day, the DSM-5 has now included dissociative symptoms to PTSD. These are something that you may see in many cases of PTSD and it is important to understand them.

I want to start by saying right up front, dissociation does not mean a person experiences the symptoms of it ALL of the time. It does NOT mean they are a bad person. It means there is indeed a "why" to things which may be happening.

It has come to my attention since last discussing this that dissociative subtypes is suppose to be added to PTSD in the DSM-5. So we will see. My belief is it really needs to be.

Many times with PTSD people act in ways that “are not themselves” AT TIMES. Things that don't add up from the basic symptoms of PTSD. This is one of the hardest things to get your head around, so to speak. Especially when you knew that person before PTSD and what they were like, how they acted or didn’t act, their morals, etc. in comparison to now. AGAIN, this is not something that is experienced 24/7, this can happen to the most loving, caring, respected people there are, and can happen from a trigger or when they are overwhelmed, rhyme and reasons to when this may happen do not always fit with this so to speak..

In all my years being around PTSD, I have heard the term “dissociated” used once in awhile and even seen it in medical reports, “dissociative symptoms”, however it’s never been explained to us and never pointed out as something to really think about or look into, it’s been one of those “just another term” used.

So I started doing more research into it. I’m by no means an expert on the topic but found it may bring a lot of understanding to others by having/knowing this information. If it was not explained to us, I’m sure there are many others that might be in the same boat.

Now, mind you, there is a lot to this and many different levels, also not everyone with PTSD may suffer with this as well. But it might be a huge light bulb to many. Again, I’m not a doctor or in any medical field… I’m just another spouse of one with PTSD. So I do advise you to do your research and talk with your doctor on this subject if you or a loved one feels this might be something you may be experiencing.

Let’s start with what “dissociation” is.

“Your sense of reality and who you are depend on your feelings, thoughts, sensations, perceptions and memories. If these become ‘disconnected’ from each other, or don’t register in your conscious mind, your sense of identity, your memories, and the way you see things around you will change. This is what happens during dissociation.” -mind.org.uk

Everyone can experience dissociation to one extreme or another. It could be something as simple as getting "lost" within a movie where you feel you are there experiencing it yourself for example, daydreaming, while driving a common route not realizing how far you have gone or what was along the way to where you are now. So this is common with everyone to some extent.

However there are more serious cases which involve one who has suffered a trauma rather it’s child abuse, a natural disaster, combat, assault, etc. All the traumas linked to PTSD.

Dissociation is a psychological term used when one suffers a mental absence from reality. Even though dissociation is not considered a mental disorder in every case, ones with PTSD as well as acute stress disorder, and conversion disorder (what Craig was originally diagnosed with) can have the symptoms of dissociation.

The human brain stores traumatic events/memories in a different way then normal memories in some cases. With dissociation, the memories are what they refer to as “split off” and can surface from time to time or triggered into consciousness without warning. Over time there are two sets of memories, normal and trauma, which parallel each other without coming together, and the person does not have control over them or when they surface. In extreme dissociation cases it can lead to multiple personalities (DID: Dissociative Identity Disorder), however again, there are different levels of dissociation and not all are to that extreme even though this seems to be very commonly related to traumatic events. And, just to note, dissociation does not mean you are crazy! It means your brain is handling things in a different way. In a way “protecting” you.

Now I will say, a lot of research has been based off of childhood development (some type of trauma that happened normally before the age of 9 years old) however, there have been newer studies (2012) showing that dissociation can very well form as an adult not related to the development stage of one’s youth, due to a trauma as an adult such as combat.

Let’s jump to some of the largest subjects I see and to examples of dissociation. You know when you say "he/she isn't acting like themselves" or "why did they do that, they would have never done that"...

One thing I hear from others a lot... “He/She’s a pathological liar”

Oh there’s one of the largest misconceptions with PTSD! Which could in a lot of cases be linked to dissociation. I commonly refer to it as “filling in the blanks” when one with PTSD does not recall the truth or what really happened. So, many times will “fill in the blanks” with what they believe is real or facts. Again, this does NOT happen all of the time, it only occurs when dissociation occurs which can be random or triggered by something.

Here is what actually happens.

The difference between one that lies, because we all know there are ones that do just lie out there, and one that dissociates, is ones that dissociate believe what they are saying as the truth, the “lies” are emotionally accurate to them based on what they are feeling rather there are accurate facts involved or not.

The one that dissociates sometimes believe feelings over the actual facts, what they feel at that very moment becomes facts to them. Then when their mood changes they might very well rearrange facts to be more consistent with the way they feel. Thus leading to “the liar who’s story changed.”

One that truly lies, knows they lied, they know and understand what actually happened or why they lied. See the difference now?

Then comes the confrontation! When one that dissociates is faced with hard evidence of what actually took place. This relates to my saying “they will fight to their death they didn’t lie.” In truth, because to them, they didn’t! Their “truth” is based on their feelings of what they feel is real, and not always to the hard facts.

However, there is hope in these situations. If the hard evidence is enough, one can adjust their opinions and views to see the facts before them. I hate to say, with PTSD this can very well bring on the fight or flight, so watch how this is handled and handle it as calmly as possible. An example of the “twisted truth” could be money they spent and swear they didn’t spend it. But in fact there are bank or credit cards records to prove the hard facts, but in their true belief they did did not spend a dime. In this example the hard evidence might or might not appear as facts to them. If not, save it for later when they are not in a dissociative state.

I hate to say, dissociation can be very destructive to those who suffer from it as well as those close to them. Dissociation goes beyond the common errors, self-indulgent denial, or fantasy. It can be very pervasive without a logical explanation or conclusion and can harm your quality of life in many ways. Dissociation can make one appear very irrational, illogical, and cause them to shrug off important things as if they don’t exist as well as have a false reality to things that don’t exist. False memories can form, be altered, or even rearranged at any given time, dissociation also comes with memory lapses or gaps in the memory forming a sense of memory issues to appear and they can also have amnesia where nothing is remembered at all.

Some examples include:

* Telling a story multiple times, but the facts in the story changes.

* They might mirror someone’s else’s story or experience as if were their own.

* Opposite, they might view their own story or experience as if it were someone else’s.

* When confronted with facts they may ignore them or swear they are not true or real. (Such as spending money)

* They might commit an immoral or unethical act and refuse to believe they did it. (Such as cheating) When in fact it is not something in their character to do.

* They might not remember an important event which happened or other times recall/speak of something that didn’t really take place.

[/COLOR][/LEFT]

 

[N.E.wguy]

This all can be very frustrating or frightening to someone who lives with a person who dissociates… can you imagine how the one who does experience it feels??? I can imagine the word “lost” comes to mind.

When one is dissociating, it is hard for a loved one to have a logical argument, persuasion and reasoning will very rarely come into play. And it’s not something that they are going to just “snap out of”, just like with PTSD itself. If you refer to your loved one with the “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” theory, you might just have a little more then PTSD at hand. So it’s something to really think about and look into, because it is very real. In other words, they are not making this up!

Dissociation can also be a part of why people walk away from you or your loved one. It goes back to one believing you are telling lies. Stories can change and people can start not trusting what you say. They normally won’t confront you on things, they just simply stop coming around. One of the hardest things in life when in reality you both need a support system. If dissociation does come along with your PTSD, it might be best to explain it to others so your support system stays in place. It is something very difficult to understand, but very much a need to know situation.

One important thing to keep in mind. Remember that the person who experiences dissociation does not realize what they are doing when these episodes happen. As a loved one, don’t try to get back at them for what they did or said, when they are in this state don’t argue with them… agree to disagree and talk about it another time. It goes back to what we are taught… will that effect me 5 years from now, 10 years from now, is there really an urgency to discuss it right now this moment when they are not going to be able to be rational about the conversation? Sometimes you are going to be better off to address a topic later when they are not dissociative.

You may also struggle with memory lapses or fragmented memory. This can play a huge toll on everyday life, work, school, and relationships. You might forget something you studied, a learned skill, appointments, etc. and also leads and adds to feelings of being disconnected form others. It can bring that feeling of floating outside of yourself wondering who that person is you are looking at, the “this is not reality” feeling. It can cause you to be confused, and can even cause you to become unsure about boundaries between yourself and others.

Like I said there is a lot more that goes with this then I could possibly write here, but this will give you a bases to start learning from and let you know that this might be a possibility in your situation. There are many different levels of dissociation from minor, even normal, to severe, and many more details.

Now, there is something different here then with PTSD itself, there have been reports showing that dissociation is or can be “curable” in many cases. So if this is something that you feel has become a part of your life, please contact your doctor and see what they feel or what they feel will help.

The whole key to me writing this boils down to “don’t jump to conclusions”! If your loved one is not acting like themselves, the person you know, then find out why! PTSD is caused by a trauma and affects one in many ways, but with that trauma might come other things as well. Dissociation is a form of “guarding” one’s self, survival so to speak, which is not controlled by them, and may very well come with PTSD.

~Bec
“A Spouse’s Story…PTSD”[/font]

 

[N.E.wguy]

Communication.

We talk about how important communication is all of the time. BUT, what is communication? How is it different when someone suffers from PTSD or even secondary PTSD? What do you do?

Knowing the basis of proper communication and the things to do or not do when PTSD is involved are urgent!

You have to always keep in mind that the person has gone through a life altering trauma which causes the circuits in the brain to function differently. They may have trouble with memory, how to express themselves, trust weighs huge with PTSD, then you add in the anger and defenses that come with it. If you do not develop good communication skills you are setting both of you up for an argument or confusion.

Making plans…

When making plans, it is good to ask questions directly. Especially women, have a habit of adding in too much information which becomes overwhelming to registering everything you say. The key points my be absorbed but everything in between probably will not.

If you want to go to dinner on Friday night, a simple “I would like to go to dinner on Friday night, do you want to?” You will get a yes or a no most likely. If you get a yes for an answer, it’s good to go ahead and state where you want to go and give the person with PTSD a chance to answer. Once you have an answer and it seems plans are on for Friday night. Back it up with a confirming statement. “So Friday night we are going to…”. By doing this you are making sure you are understanding the answer, and if there were some mix up in the communication it gives time for it to be corrected. If the person with PTSD is not comfortable with the plan, it also gives room for a different place to be considered, a different day or time. Once you come to an agreement, put it on the wall calendar so it is remembered that the plans were set.

PTSD brings so many different feelings to a person. Remember that all of these things can cause communication to become more difficult. Focusing on making a decision can be extremely hard. They are dealing with anger, fear, guilt, grief, along with many other things which can interfere with decision making. Being able to offer what you would like to do can help, even if it’s not something they are comfortable with doing it can open the line of communication for other options to be taken into consideration.

If that Friday night comes and the person is not up for that night out, don’t take it personally. Maybe get a dinner to go and take it back home for a nice night together inside. Even if plans get changed, make the best of it. A nice, quiet dinner can open the door for one on one time and you can always set another night to go out.

Breaking the cycle…

One of the most major breakdowns in communication comes from the “walking on eggshells” phase. This is when your partner does whatever he/she has to to keep things calm, to help their loved avoid triggers, focuses on the partner’s PTSD symptoms so much that it effects themselves. No one wants bad confrontation! And helping keep them “safe” is a normal reaction. But it leads to the “walking on eggshells”. This leads to distance between the two of you, the partner develops their own anxieties, hyper vigilance, and reactions to their partners PTSD trauma even though they did not experience the event themselves. They are basically going through the trauma through there PTSD partner’s eyes as I put it. This forms a vicious cycle! Keeping communication through this is beyond urgent! A partner going through this can form some of the same effects PTSD has on the one who has PTSD. They can turn to alcohol to bring them to that numb feeling to prevent emotional hurt. They might think of suicide themselves. They can suffer from depression, find themselves alienating themselves from the outside world, feel that they can not trust or even feel betrayed. They too can suffer from anger or find themselves irritable. Secondary PTSD as many know it as does exist... it's another form of PTSD.

So now you find that both of you are having some, even though of different nature, the same symptoms. You HAVE to communicate! Knowing how each of you are feeling, taking time to listen and really hear each other. Talking is extremely important but so is listening. Both of you have to work on not interrupting each other, let your partner say what they need to. Once they are done then you give your input. Be conscious of what you are saying as well as what you are hearing. Talk but don’t over talk. When you put too many words into it, there is room for your words to be taken the wrong way which inevitably leads to an argument or more hurt feelings.

The most difficult thing is not being on defense…

Normally when communications start both people may be at a heightened level and it’s easy to always defend yourself. “Own it”. If you have done something or reacted a certain way, own it, you did it so it is yours. Being able to accept what you did or said can help you get past it. It opens the door for communication and being able to get past things such as hurt feelings and/or mistrust. Even if you did not mean how you made a person feel or something you did that effected them, facing the fact that you did leads you to the “now what can we do to fix it”. It also shows you are willing to understand the situation, even if you have a different point of view or did not mean for it to appear the way it did to someone else.

A great example of this that I literally hear all of the time in relationships is internet surfing… yep I’m talking about the other people thing. A spouse is going to view it as cheating, they can’t trust you now, they are hurt, they are not good enough for you so you are looking for someone else, they are not attractive enough for you so you communicate with other people you think are more attractive. Oh man, now self esteem is a huge issue on top of everything else!

Majority of the time it’s not at all the way it looks! Not saying it makes things right, but the appearance and actions can be deadly to a relationship. Many people, male or female, will look for that something that is missing by contacting other people. A very harsh thing to a relationship. And the sad part is, that other person is not going to bring you back what you think is missing. Many times ones with PTSD are doing this to find emotions, spark, the things PTSD will mask in a relationship. They might not be cheating at all, but the appearance of it is not a good one and trust is going to be messed with which can lead you to a worse place then you are already in. Trying to fill that void PTSD brings is not going to be done by someone outside your relationship, at least not long term.

This is when you look inside your relationship, if you feel numb… which you probably do much of the time, what can you do in your existing relationship? You might think the stepping out will bring you closer to the one you truly love, but it won’t. Find new things to mend the bond between you and your loved one, both of you put the past to the side and start over so to speak. Tantra is a well known help in this and can be fun and exciting for helping get that closeness and feelings sparked back up. Try counselling, support groups, learn to communicate, take time out for just the two of you! That missing emotion, feelings, and excitement is most likely right there before you… in your spouse. And man oh man will you change his/her outlook if that attention you are putting somewhere else is turned back to them.

Dropping the defense and being in that time and moment, talking, showing each other you do care and are willing to work to get into a better place with each other is extremely important. Take time to focus and try to listen to what you are being told and see the signs of what you can work on. Craig and I do this, if either of us are feeling a certain way the other will listen. There might not be an answer of how to fix something right then or there, when that happens a simple “I will work on that.” shows that we have been heard and the other person is willing to do something to take action of making something better. The person telling their side has to accept that the other person is going to try. This simple thing leads to communication and trying to make a difference as well as maintaining trust. Just always keep in mind that nothing happens over night! Give time for changes to be attempted and understand that errors might be made in the process.

 

[N.E.wguy]

Don’t take things personally…

PTSD comes with anger, frustration, memory issues, and always being on guard. It seems to all come out on the one they love most. Many times there are things that are lashed out during these times that can be extremely hurtful. You can not take everything personal! Most likely things that come from anger are not truly meant, and many times your loved one will be very sorry for what was said later. Not taking things personally is one of the hardest things you will ever have to learn, but is much needed in order to stay focused and help yourself. When you take everything to heart it’s going to put up a barrier to communication. Something to avoid.

Silence…

Being quiet is not always a bad thing. It does not always mean something is wrong. Sometimes silence is needed in order for a person with PTSD to be able to focus. Think of all of the symptoms of PTSD, now think about what constant noise can do. Sometimes babbling and talking all of the time becomes noise. When this happens the important things can be lost in the noise. When talking does not happen all of the time, it leads to when things are said they are more apt to be hear, that noise barrier is taken away. If you pay attention you can tell by body language if something is really wrong or if a person is just in a quiet mode. If they are in a quiet mode, maybe that’s where they need to be to cope with themselves. Many times if they need to talk, they will. If you need to talk, say it directly “I really need to just talk, can we do that?”

Make sure talking isn’t always only about serious matters or when you say this it will trigger that defense mode. Learning when silence is needed can help you with communicating better.

So, these are just a few things that can help. Take time to research how to communicate with someone who has PTSD or or secondary PTSD…or any other disability for that matter. It’s different, things you say or don’t say, ways you act or react… but over all it all can be learned with a little extra effort.

 

[N.E.wguy]

PTSD vs Finding Solutions

You will be shocked at some of the things PTSD will throw at you. I mean, you know and have read all of the standard symptoms that come with PTSD, but accepting them and the things that come that are not on that symptoms list, but so many seem to have in common as a result of PTSD, is sometimes, many times difficult.

The first step with anything is accepting that there is now PTSD in your life or in the life of one you love. I mean REALLY accept it! Until you face that, it’s going to be very difficult to move forward, for you or your loved one.

I know it’s hard to accept at times, and even those that do accept it will have difficulty at times, especially new things or increased changes. You know, like when you finally adjust to what is there in order for things to be better or the best they can be, then something else gets added to the mix or changes. You have to accept in order to adapt again.

I personally have heard ones say things such as:

* But this is not like him/her.
* But if I/we do that such and such could happen.
* But what about what people think or say?
* But that won’t work for us.
* But I/we tried that before and it didn’t work so why try?
* But he/she should not act that way.
* But he/she did this or that.
* But if I/we contact this person or that person…this or that will come of it
* But I have tried
* I understand PTSD but…

Do you see something here? I do. The word “but”, but what?? But it might lead you to a worse place then you are now? Really, how would you know for a fact? You don’t because that word “but” is standing in your way!

The word “but” used in the same sentence with anything related to PTSD equals an excuse. Some excuse not to try something. The word “but” equals fear of the unknown.

When you take the word “but” out of the sentence you can step forward to finding solutions.

This is when you put those facts on the table as I say it, you move forward, you take the “but” away and you work on finding a solution to whatever is going on or you are facing.

I can not begin to tell you how many times I have heard of or experienced myself someone reaching for my or someone else’s help and all I hear in return is the word “but”. Here’s one for you… “But nothing”. Stop the “buts” and start trying, try new things that could lead you to a solution of a symptom. That symptom is not going away, but you don’t stop living life because of it, you adapt and find a solution. You might even find what didn’t work well before might work now.

If you want the best, then you have to try your best. You have to accept what is before you, rather you like it or not, and find a solution to making things better. Don’t give up and don’t use the word “but” as a way around trying. Goes back to an old saying “You never know until you try”. I mean really, we are talking about PTSD here. Anything you really try can’t be a failure, even if it doesn’t work and you have to try something else. Don’t let the word “but” cut your options, solutions, and yourself or your loved one short of what could be. You and/or your loved one is better then that!

Take the “but” out and find a solution. You and/or your loved one deserves it! “Best of the Best”… that’s YOU my friend!

~Bec
“A Spouse’s Story…PTSD”

 

[N.E.wguy]

Do I dare, do I dare? Yep, I do!

For the adults on the page.

“PTSD vs Intimacy”

Come on! All joking aside now. If you have PTSD in your life you know what I am talking about! It’s that subject that no one likes to talk about, but reality is it’s real! I could not begin to tell you how many emails I receive from the spouse OR the one who has PTSD on this subject, asking me “is it a part of PTSD or is there something wrong with me?” (Please remember I’m not a doctor my posting are my personal opinions or experiences.)

Here are some of the common questions/statements:
Does he/she not love me any more?
Am I no longer an attractive person to him/her?
What have I done wrong?
Why does he/she cheat but then say they love me?
Am I not good enough?
Why does he/she push me away?
We use to have an active sex life, now we have nothing. Why?
I’m not good enough for her/him.
Okay, the list does go on, but you get the point.

Let’s see, we are dealing with PTSD. A person who is learning how to relearn who they are, most likely on medications, has had their personal self esteem damaged by a disability, lost their career, not seeing themselves as the person they “use to be”, a person who is afraid of letting you down, many with PTSD also suffer from depression, yes you are getting my point here too.

The hardest part in a relationship goes back to communication. Intimate matters are hard to talk about in the first place, then you add PTSD to it and wow! Knocks you right off your feet!

Medications. There’s a really good start. Most with PTSD are on medications. If you research the medications, most of the time you will find at least if not more that effects the “sex drive”. A lot of the time once the medications are in your system and your body is adjusted, some of that drive can come back. However, at this point in your mind you’ve already “failed” and that’s embarrassing and you are not going to put yourself through that again! Fact is, you haven’t failed at all! You are on a medication that prevented it from happening. This is where that talk needs to come in tell your partner what the medications have done to you and how it has mentally affected you. Now, as a partner, don’t push for the intimate time. I know you want to, you are only human, but you have to be understanding at this point. Helping build that self esteem back up without pushing for the “outcome” is very important.

What did I do wrong? Am I not attractive? Why does he/she push me away? All of these boil back to a lot of what I have already said. Self esteem, medications, etc. This is where you as the partner has to pay close attention to not let it get to your own self esteem…and it will if you let it! When you are pushed away from intimacy, and over and over again you start looking at yourself and what is wrong with you. It’s not you, and in reality it’s not them! It’s PTSD!

Then we bounce back to what just one time can cause for the rest to come. You or both of you already have it in your mind “what if I can’t do it”. “what will he/she think”. Oh no, the problem just became larger. What about this? I can do this and I am going to enjoy this. Oh I know, that’s much harder then it sounds. It will take time to build yourself back up…then you still have those medications there. It’s about being intimate with the person you trust, not judging each other no matter what the outcome is, enjoy whatever you get from it, which may be no more then a simple kiss…that’s a good step.

Then there’s the devil to face, so to speak. The PTSD partner might not think you are forward enough “wanting to” at times, might think because of your patience you yourself have lost that attraction to them, that you don’t get “turned on” like you use to…when fact is you don’t know where or if this is going anywhere and have your own defenses up, now you both are feeling rejected.

Communication. I don’t know any other way to say it. That line of communication has to be open and honest on both of your parts. When you are on the same page of how you are feeling it is going to make it easier, not perfect, but easier when it comes to being intimate together. Remember that intimacy is something to enjoy together, not something that is pressured. If you have the pressure you are not going to get very far, and no one wants that in this situation.

I know you aren’t going to let me get away with the one I have not mentioned yet. Cheating. Oh boy, the marriage breaker! This normally happens when PTSD is out of control. The person no longer feels like they know themselves and looks for that no ties outside source to fill that void they now have. This is something that has to find control or you will lose the one you do love. Man or woman, you can only be pushed so far with this one before you lose what really is important to you, both of you. In the cases I know about, this happens when PTSD is not getting any sort of treatment. Advise here, get that treatment rather it is medication, therapy, counselling, just get to your doctor and get the help to get PTSD back under control! I know of people who would never step out on their marriage/relationship, but once having PTSD, they did. It was not that they didn’t love their partner, it was they were trying to find themselves. Again, find it by getting help for yourself, the rest will fall into place…the right place.

So…I’m sure I could write a lot more on this, but to sum this up, don’t stop trying! And don’t focus on experiences that didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. Don’t let PTSD take away a part of you that is important or that you would like to have back. Remember, a simple kiss or hug does say many unspoken words. And who knows what may happen from there.

~Bec
"A Spouse's Story...PTSD"

 

[N.E.wguy]

From time to time I try to get back to the basics of PTSD, keeping in mind that there are always new people just starting to learn about it. So today I want to touch on something.

PTSD and PTSD Anniversaries
(also Holidays and Special Occasions)

When you hear the word anniversary, you automatically think of someone’s wedding anniversary. Well, to one with PTSD it has a whole different meaning. When speaking about PTSD, and unless otherwise specified on here, we are referring to the date the “episode” or “event” happened which caused PTSD. Sometimes we will say “anniversary month”, the reason for this is because PTSD does not only flair up on the exact day, but can get worse anywhere around that time. Sometimes it can be for days, other times it can be for a month or so before or after that date.

Knowing this helps others! If PTSD “acts up” at a certain time of year and normally every year, you can almost make a bet that it’s that anniversary time. This is a time frame that I am always ready to cope with whatever might come. The person with PTSD on the norm has many more issues with PTSD during this time… nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, etc. Being aware of when the PTSD anniversary is allows the family members a reason which comes understanding of why a certain time of the year might be worse then others.

This past year, without anyone knowing what I was up to, I attempted something different. It was all in the attempt to help Craig through his anniversary day and that time frame. I actually got off the subject of PTSD itself, even though everything I was trying was still based off of his PTSD. I posted positive things, off the wall photos, cute stories that had heart to them, and even went as far as on the anniversary date itself asking everyone to post something that was meaningful, positive, and dear to their hearts… actually on his anniversary day. IT WORKED! Craig reading everything posted on here, and by me asking everyone to post things like I mentioned, he spent the whole day scrolling through all of the good things in people’s lives… your lives, the ones just like him that suffer from PTSD or live beside it! WOW! The next morning I explained what I was up to the day before. It worked! Craig made it through his anniversary day without huge issues. All of the positive feedback kept his mind occupied with positive thoughts and his anniversary day went pretty smoothly.

Me doing this little “experiment” proved if you can bring to light all of the positive things in life, the reasons to live, the reasons to keep making those steps forward, keep a smile on your face, it does bring about a different way of coping through the really roughest times PTSD brings to one. It helps to keep the brain and memory from being able to dwell on what happened. Now, this isn’t something that is going to happen everyday of your life by any means, we are still dealing with PTSD, but it can sure help when something is desperately needed.

Holidays and special occasions are some of the other toughest times for PTSD. This is a very good point, because it is! The survivors guilt comes into effect, which is very similar to how PTSD reacts to anniversaries, again they go hand in hand. So I want to add that in here too. Holidays and special events bring on expectations, and we all know that expectations are one of the first things that can really stir PTSD up. Also it brings about remembering those that were lost or not here anymore to celebrate them and the survivors guilt really sets in. It’s not that your spouse/ loved one with PTSD doesn’t want to share in the joy of this time, this seems to be especially hard for birthdays and wedding anniversaries, it’s that they feel guilty as the one who survived to do so. When you can have an understanding of how they feel and keep it in mind, it can make these things a little easier. And you might want to throw in like I did, some of those positive things to make those days go a little easier as well.

I know as a spouse, for years I have dreaded my birthday coming around. In all honesty I do. I know what will come and it’s usually “just another day”. That’s hard, in a way I USE to want to be selfish and say “it’s my day”. I am one that loves surprises, I don’t like planning my own birthday, and to be honest would rather not do anything for it then to have to plan it myself. Then it makes me feel unimportant. Which I know for a fact is far from the truth, but that’s what comes with feelings. It’s all normal, and I know not to expect things. And I’m mentioning this for a reason, I couldn’t tell you how many spouses have come to me and asked me how to handle their own birthdays. They all go through the same feelings and a sense of feeling rejected. But, the fact is, it’s PTSD causing this, not the person themselves. Over time I’ve adjusted and learned to not expect things, that feeling doesn’t just go away, but it eases over time. Whatever happens, happens, life is still there and I have a wonderful man each day of my life no matter what one specific day brings. That’s when the spouse/loved one has to focus on the positive.

PTSD Anniversaries, holidays, and special occasions all will bring out the worse side of PTSD, and the guilt side that comes with it. It’s something to be aware of, don’t judge too harshly during these times, focus on the good, and make the best of them as you can.


You know, I was scrolling through some other places within the social media and I was in total shock!
I read through the “battles” going on between veterans/ones with PTSD and spouses. And I mean battles! This one doesn’t understand, that one doesn’t understand. I won’t listen to her, he doesn’t see it this or that way. One comment was something along the lines of “I won’t listen to any spouse because they weren’t there so they don’t know or understand”. Oh the comments were truly endless, and the hurt behind all of them. WOW!

They are so busy battling each other that they aren’t getting anywhere to making things better.

Is it really rocket science to understand that when you start listening to each other and understanding to the best you can without being in the exact situation that occurred, something good has to come from it? The he said she said has to stop so communication can start.

If I battled Craig on everything PTSD has brought to us, or he battled me, we would be doomed for sure. But we aren’t, we listen to each other and actually hear each other. We talk about things that we see in each other and work for a more positive result. You have to, if you don’t you aren’t going to get anything but more pain and conflict.

I’m seeing a lot of couples that are so lost in PTSD that it is in fact rolling over to the spouses. Which truthfully does happen. Sometimes it’s the one with PTSD that is having a stable day and it’s the spouse flying off the handle at everything, walking on eggshells so much that they lose a grip on themselves. When this happens it has to be addressed and come into play to be handled as well.

I think part of the problem I am seeing is huge numbers of secondary PTSD, at the least anxiety that is out of control. And hate to say that the one with PTSD a lot of the time is focused on themselves and what they have been through and trying to overcome, that the secondary PTSD of the spouse is not being placed in the equation. It has to be!

I want to thank the ones with PTSD for being here, for helping us all see the other side of the fence, and for working beside us and not against us. YOU are making all of the difference in this world and in all of our lives. PTSD is there, it’s not just going away, but you being here is helping everyone learn and cope which leads to better lives and families.

BOTH people have to work together and consider what each of them are going through so they can find ways of coping all around. It’s the key to keeping a relationship, both getting the help they need, understanding each other, and moving forward.

I am so happy that my page has turned out the way it has!!! We work together, and work on being able to see the point of view of that other pair of shoes. It helps!

Thank you everyone!!!! This is a true “family” on here!

~Bec
"A Spouse's Story...PTSD"

 

[N.E.wguy]

I want to touch on something today that many forget about or don’t even consider when it comes to one with PTSD.

PTSD vs Survivors Guilt

This is a topic that I have found effects many with PTSD. It is very apparent in the many Veterans I have spoken to or been in contact with, but does not effect only them, it stretches to anyone that has survived an episode where someone else didn’t.

The questions and statements brought up range widely…
-Why am I alive?
-What could I have done differently that could have saved them?
-Why am I the one that came back and they didn’t?
-I should have saved them.

The list is endless. The fact is, if you are hearing any of these things from a PTSD loved one, most likely you are not only dealing with PTSD but there may very well be survivors guilt there as well.

This is probably one of the most difficult things to cope with. Many Veterans ( I speak from the Veterans side since that is what Craig is, but it does go for anyone.) I know have found that helping others or helping other Veterans is a good way to cope with this. To feel useful, to unwrap some of the burden they feel to at least speak of it, they might do it because their doctor wants them to, and the most sincere… they know it might just save the next life. It’s in reality a form of survival. There are many that do not yet understand what PTSD brings and I know first hand that these very Veterans who shared their stories with me, as well as their guilt of the losses they saw or in some cases caused in the line of duty, brought a new understanding to me that I am very grateful for. Without them opening up the way they have done, it would have been a very difficult road to me understanding my own husband.

It goes back to a story I shared a little while back. Every one of the Veterans thanked me for listening, told me how much it helps them to be able to talk, but in reality they all helped me too! They are the ones I am thankful for. See, if they indeed weren’t the ones to survive, where would the next generations learn from? I believe that there is a reason for everything, I don’t know all of the answers to why lol because we sure don’t wish anything bad on anyone, but there’s a reason.

The ones who suffer from survivors guilt I have found are very hard on themselves. Almost like they are punishing themselves for surviving. And I can’t see through the computer but I bet there are a lot of heads shaking yes right now. My friends, don’t punish yourself, there’s no reason to. Without you and what you can bring to the rest of us, this world would be very incomplete! I know things happened that haunt you and your dreams, but you have a life to live that will change those of the future. I also know that there is nothing I can say that will change the way you feel, but I can say I am still proud of you and proud you are here today. You bring the rest of us wisdom, understanding, compassion, and hope.

To those of you who have a loved one which show the signs of survivors guilt, it’s not something to turn your back on or brush off. It’s real, it comes from real events, real feelings, and you have to make sure you make an extra effort to try to understand the best you can with not experiencing what they have and be there for them with extra love and understanding when these feelings surface. This is the time they will need you the most and also the time they might somewhat pull away. Be cautious of this. They need their space but they also need you! Especially during these times!

 

[N.E.wguy]

So you know someone with PTSD, or maybe you don’t and you are just curious about learning.

What can I do? How do I act around them? What do I talk about or don’t talk about?

There are many questions that come up, especially if you are not familiar with PTSD. Many people who suffer from PTSD lose their friends, many times family, all because a person does not understand these very things.

A person with PTSD is no different then you or I, they have just been through something traumatic which caused them to develop PTSD. They are still human, they still have feelings, and they still put clothes on just like the next person.

So here are some of many tips that are good to know:

1. Treat them just like you would anyone else! One of the worst things you could do to a person who suffers from PTSD is to treat them like they have a plague!

2. Don’t ask insensitive questions! Like “did you kill someone”. One, who really wants to talk about that in the first place, would you? No! If they want to share their story with you, they will. Leave that up to them. Majority of the time they would rather talk about the same everyday things that the next person would.

3. Repeating themselves. Many with PTSD and/or TBI have some type of memory issues. If they do repeat something just go with it. No need to state “you’ve already told me that.” When you say things like that it makes them feel belittled and they are going to get really quiet on you.

4. Give them space. They my not always be able to keep a schedule, on rough days they will want to stay home. Ones with PTSD do not like others seeing the rough side that comes with it. Be respectful of that and something that might not happen today can always be rescheduled for another day.

5. Don’t make “fun” of anyone with a disability. 1. It’s not nice or respectful in the first place. 2. You never know who it could effect or even someone else they might know.

6. Never judge them. You don’t know or understand what they have been through that lead them to PTSD so don’t judge them on something you don’t understand.

7. Have respect for personal space. PTSD can be caused for many reasons. Many times a person needs their personal physical space from others. Avoid approaching them from behind without them knowing. Even touching them in a friendly manner sometimes can lead to a trigger. Read their body language, if they are joking with you and tapping your shoulder then it’s probably okay to do it back. Use your brain.

8. Don’t put them down! One with PTSD has a hard enough time maintaining their self-esteem and sure does not need outside influence which could cause it to become worse! You wouldn’t want someone putting you down or talking bad about you, so don’t do it to them. Point out the good things don’t focus on the negative.

9. Learn about PTSD! Even if you don’t think you know someone that has it, odds are you actually do! PTSD can affect anyone, it’s not only military related. It can be caused by a car accident, a rape or attack, a natural disaster, even from being in a hospital! It can be from anything that caused a trauma in a person’s life. And many times you are not going to know about a sensitive matter.

10. Use your brain before your mouth. If it is something that you wouldn’t want said to you, then why say it to someone else. Every person can think before they speak

A person with PTSD is still a person, a human being. They can throw a great cook-out, they can be a great friend, a great father or mother, a wonderful part of a family. They just have an unseen disability that causes them to react and/or view things differently but makes them no less of a person. Some of the most kindest, caring, and sensible people you will ever meet have PTSD… it makes them appreciate life more then the average person that takes life for granted.

Take time to educate yourself, and sad to say, you never know when it might be you in their very shoes. What PTSD causes hurts, but you can make a change! LEARN now and you could change the life of someone else… or maybe even yourself!

~Bec
“A Spouse’s Story PTSD”

 

[N.E.wguy]

PTSD vs Triggers

Triggers can be almost anything that remind you of an event that caused PTSD or is related to it. Triggers are a huge part of PTSD and learning about yourself and what triggers you is extremely important.

Like with Craig, I know many of his triggers. With knowing what they are I can majority of the time help ground him to what I see coming… or hear. Examples of his are helicopters… not the sight of them, but the sound, the vibrations that come from them. Another we have found, even though we haven’t pin-pointed it, is the fluids in a car… changing the fluids, something with one of them sets of his sense of smell, a smell related to a ship/carrier.

As much as we say triggers come out of nowhere, which it seems and not literally speaking they do because you never know when they will happen… the fact is triggers can be known. If you pay attention to the here and now when triggered by something you can figure out what your triggers are. What is happening when your heart starts racing? What smell was there? What were you looking at or watching? What sound did you hear? Think about it, focus on is happening and you can link your reactions to something.

By doing this and recognizing your triggers, you can get a better grip on coping with them when they happen. Like with Craig, once he hears or feels a helicopter coming he will say out loud “I know you are there” or “I hear you coming”. Over time it’s become a normal saying around here “Eye in the sky”, that’s our cue to him that we hear or feel a helicopter. With knowing, he can start right then on coping with the fact it’s coming and work towards keeping himself grounded. Now I will say he normally knows it before the rest of us, he has extremely sensitive hearing and can feel the vibrations, but it allows him the coping time to handle it passing.

Learn your triggers, learn your partner’s triggers. This knowledge is of great help to trying to stay grounded from full flashbacks or the anxiety that comes.

Each person has triggers and they are not always the same as another person’s. It all depends on you and your trauma to what triggers have developed. I can’t say it enough, learn what yours are. Then learn what techniques help you through them.

 

[N.E.wguy]

hxxtp://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/pages/diagnostic_criteria_dsm-5.asp

I was asked about changes included in the DSM-5 from the DSM-4 regarding PTSD, the "pharmaceutical bible" as I know some of you are going to comment so I will beat you to saying it This is the book referred to by doctors for diagnostic criteria guidelines. Here is a link from the VA regarding the changes. And I personally think suits what I know of PTSD better.