Depression Help

[Thorn]

Hi all. Ok so this is not really related to MJ (heaven forbid!) so please don't start having a go at me or banning me as i can't deal with much more today.

I'm having a bit of a relapse into depression at the moment, but am trying to look for work, well i've been looking for work since long before i left my old job. I left that job for many reasons, but at the end of the day I had no one to talk to while i was their and was really getting down. anyway thats not the point..

I've never worked full time before, mostly because i've been studying and so have not been able to. But for the last year and a half I haven't been studying but have only been able to manage a part time job, and as soon as I started to have problems with that I began to get ill again and couldn't cope with it most of the time.

I've never really thought about incapacity benifits until my dad (who's got depression too) spoke to me about it. Now I know I cannot cope with full time work because 1 early morning alone will leave me feeling drained for about a week. Part time work will not allow me to get my own place and support myself or my pets. Now I never liked the idea of benefits cause there's nothing physically wrong with me, well apart from that I get colds and viruses a LOT when i'm low. I've always like to earn my wages and feel guilty when i'm 'given' money.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm starting to feel like there's no point in my life, I have no purpose or direction and never really have done as far as I can remember. I don;t quite know what I'm asking, maybe just a little advice on how I can start to stand on my own 2 feet again, or well i suppose, for the first time really.

 

[andy52]

you should apply for benefits.i know several people that draw SSI,due to depression related illnesses.its no shame,thats what its there for.why put yourself thru hell trying to cope with a full time job,that only hurts your health.hold your head up and do it.good luck.

 

[SmokinMom]

Have you ever googled Depression forums? I was on a pretty good one after my dad died in 07.

Have you seen a Dr about this? Maybe they could prescribe meds temporarily if you believe in those sorts of things. I've also heard that mj can make depression worse in some so perhaps you're smoking too much, or not nearly enough.

Have you tried exercize? That is a HUGE mood elevator for me.

 

[Thorn]

lol mom I do all those things, smoking really helps, but alas i have no money to buy and my crop isn't ready yet. I have been medicated for over 3 years now for depression. and yes i seen my doctor, but not in the last month and not about benefits. he only works part time now as he's slowly retiring so it takes about a month to get an appoinment with him.

I used to go on the sane forum but its extremely depressing on those and tends to make me feel worse.

I hate feeling like i'm lazy, because i do like to work and get on and organise etc and i am a very good worker but once my depression gets the better of me i just break down and can;t do anything.

 

[SmokinMom]

Maybe you need to get off the meds then. When I stopped mine I was no longer numb and it was the best thing I ever did. I started experiencing all sorts of feelings- not all good, not all bad, but atleast I was feeling other things besides depressed all the time. I don't regret my decision one bit to discontinue those meds.

Or maybe you're on the wrong ones.

 

[HippyInEngland]

Worth a read

hXXp://www.depression-help-for-you.com/diet-for-depression.html

 

[Thorn]

lol no i had them reduced slightly about 2 months ago and it was going ok but i'm struggling at the moment. I also have CBT therapy about every 3 weeks.

 

[umbra]

Thorn,

I feel for you girl. It's hard to pull that curtain of depression back and see outside yourself. My ex-wife is bi-polar and had very bad depression. It is hard for other around you to understand sometimes. Even with meds, my ex had an never ending battle. She could not work as well. Today, she is a great photographer. So that you know there is hope, and that you can be more.

 

[slowmo77]

i was once the same way. i tried everything, doctors, meds, therapy, exercise. you name it i tried it.. it got pretty bad, i always found a reason to be sad even when i didn't think i was lookin. it runs in my family, or should i say it runs my family. my mother, aunt and grandfather are worse than i ever was.

i can't say it was done over night but in time i got better. when i hit bottom the last time i thought i was gonna die.. at some point i just stopped lookin at the bad and i found that for the first time in a long time i was happy..

heres all that i can really say that i done.. everytime something started weighing on my mind that made me feel down or i started feelin those old feeling and thoughts flooded my head i would smoke a j or a bowl and then i could find something funny in the way i was thinking or feeling. maybe it was my mind slowing down or just fogging up atleast. as long as i dwell on the negative i feel accordingly. when i look at the bright side i feel better.. im not sayin its easy to do. at times i couldn't do it.. but the more i was able to do it the better i felt. till one day i just done it all the time.. now i never get down. it took a while to get here but i couldn't be happier..

i will say that today it takes alot to upset me. sometimes more than it should. lifes to short to live in that state of mind.. it can always get worse trust me. only you can control how you feel and/or respond to things. you have the power to feel better its just up to you to find it..

i hope this makes sense. its not easy to explain something you don't truly understand.. i don't fully understand how i got thru it but i know what it was like to be sick of it.. Thorn i hope you find whatever it is that your lookin for and beleive in yourself.. you can get thru this no matter how bad it seems you can do it.. don't ever give in. you can do it believe in that and things will get better.. good luck

 

[Thorn]

thank you slow mo

 

[pcduck]

Maybe you need to get off the meds then. When I stopped mine I was no longer numb and it was the best thing I ever did. I started experiencing all sorts of feelings- not all good, not all bad, but atleast I was feeling other things besides depressed all the time. I don't regret my decision one bit to discontinue those meds.

Or maybe you're on the wrong ones.

I agree with SM, but check with your Dr.


I been there done that. Got meds. Thought is was better, It wasn't. Got off Dr. meds and smoke my meds, not great but a whole lot better. Do go into a relapse once in a while. When that happens I am a real (insert your fav. word). But I try to stay away from my friends when relapsing.

 

[SmokinMom]

slowmo- mind over matter I guess. I completely understood that and thats what I did to get better as well. I just told myself that today was going to be better, and I made myself believe it....and it worked.

 

[pcduck]

slowmo- mind over matter I guess. I completely understood that and thats what I did to get better as well. I just told myself that today was going to be better, and I made myself believe it....and it worked.

SM I tried that. It didn't work for me. I would say that and then one little thing would go wrong or not according to my plan and bam....Trust me it was not a pretty sight. But anyhow that was just my $0.02

 

[TURKEYNECK]

I dont like those SSRIs.. and other similar meds for depression, they change the chemistry in your brain and you become reliant on them.. Ive always found that doing things that give you a since of accomplishment always helps..makes you feel "worthy" ya know...keep your chin up babe, things will get better.

 

[Lastritez]

Well from my experiance after a stress breakdown a few years ago, I went through about 3 years of recovery with no light at the end of the tunnel, then I saved up enough money to buy a second hand motorbike (took me 6 months to save £700), as soon as I got the bike, life changed, the depression just seemed to vanish, there is nothing on earth like the feeling of riding a bike, lining up the bends and sweeping through them. I got a fairly big 1200cc sports tourer, and it always puts a smile on my face, even in the rain, hopefully off to europe this year to visit some friends and tour some mountains.

All I can say is buying that bike changed my life, for the better, I would always recomend a getting a bike to ease stress and for fun days out. Riding IS the pleasure, when I had a car I never went out just for a drive to enjoy driving, but I am out as much as I can on the bike, no where to go, just sweeping my way around the local country roads, mind you, I can't wait to head up to Scotland and try the highland roads.

Get a bike, find freedom, give stress and depression a leather clad kick up the butt, and spend all your time grinning like an idiot!

 

[SmokinMom]

SM I tried that. It didn't work for me. I would say that and then one little thing would go wrong or not according to my plan and bam....Trust me it was not a pretty sight. But anyhow that was just my $0.02

I'm sorry that it didn't work for you.

It sure did for me, when I was at rock bottom. I think my kids were 2 and 3 at the time and I couldnt even get out of bed.

One day I just grew tired of it and forced myself up. I had to do it, if not for me then for my children. It worked. It worked tremendously.

Now it didn't ever work when I was just a little blue. Only when it was very hard core.

 

[slowmo77]

one little thing would go wrong or not according to my plan and bam....Trust me it was not a pretty sight.

in that lies the problem.. we can't control anything but our selves. if your not happy somewhere leave, if you get upset washin dishes buy paper plates. i know its not that simple but you gotta start somewhere. if something makes you unhappy don't do it. if makin plans and seein them smashed bothers you don't make plans. jmo

 

[pcduck]

I'm sorry that it didn't work for you.

It sure did for me, when I was at rock bottom. I think my kids were 2 and 3 at the time and I couldnt even get out of bed.

One day I just grew tired of it and forced myself up. I had to do it, if not for me then for my children. It worked. It worked tremendously.

Now it didn't ever work when I was just a little blue. Only when it was very hard core.

I am not exactly sure at what point I was rock bottom. The seven days in the hospital for clinical depression or when the Dr. said it is not normal to be driving and calculating the percentages of the amount of times you could run a red light without doing bodily harm to yourself. But I am no Dr. just to clear up any misconceptions.

 

[SmokinMom]

Damn pc, sounds like the hospital was right where you needed to be.

Luckily I was never suicidal. ***hugs***

 

[pcduck]

in that lies the problem.. we can't control anything but our selves. if your not happy somewhere leave, if you get upset washin dishes buy paper plates. i know its not that simple but you gotta start somewhere. if something makes you unhappy don't do it. if makin plans and seein them smashed bothers you don't make plans. jmo

I have that under control now for the most part.

But at the time is was a "easier said, then done" situation.