I lost it last night...

[7greeneyes]

You're so awesome, TC. Thank you for your sweet and genuine response. I'm staying strong, and I know New Years is going to be hell for her, but we'll be together and that's what matters

eace:,

7ge

 

[hero4u2b]

If I was you greeneyes. I would not try and control her or her drinking at all. She is going to drink if she wants and no power on this planet will stop her.. Only if she decides she cannot drink. You will go insane and suffer for as long as you allow her drinking to affect you in anyway. In my opinion for what its worth, is to let her drink.. Let her make her mistakes. If she wants to drive . try and discourage it but she is going to do in the end what she wants.. and personally I wouldnt be there to pick up the peices. Never enable or become part of her disease. You may lose her to be honest. If you want to become part of the insanity of the alcoholic, be my guest but she will make you crazy a lot quicker than you will get her sober. Hero

 

[OldHippieChick]

Loving a practicing alcoholic is not going to be easy. You can put down boundaries but you got to be ready to stand behind whatever you say. Not everyone responds to "tough love". You might end up with egg in your face and alone while she sprials downward, or you might end up screaming and yelling and feeling let down for the next 25 years or more. I wouldn't count on living happily ever after. People drink for a reason. You've fallen in love with a fixer upper. If you knew it in advance, what is it about you that drew you to a "project" relationship?

At one time I thought I might be an alcoholic. I completly cut out everything for several months a couple of times in my life. But marijuana is my drug of choice. I hear it referred to as the "marijuana maintenance program" by some alcoholics. Maybe. All I know is that I've got some bottles leftover from parties in my pantry that have been there two or more years and I never drink except in social gatherings anymore - and I never get sloppy drunk. But I'm not prepared to run out of weed even though I might skip a day once in a while just because I'm busy. BUT IF I COULDN'T SMOKE... would I go back to drinking? I don't know and I don't want to find out.

What are you going to say when she tells you she doesn't want weed in her house after she gets clean? Lots to think about. Good luck.

 

[cubby]

My sympathies to you. I recognize the situation well, I've had several alcoholics in my family. The one thing you need to realize from the start is there is "NOTHING" you can do to save her from herself.
If she wants to drink she will. She will sneak, lie, and make up excuses till the cows come home, and there's nothing you can do about it.
People with substance addictions only get help when they are ready, and not before. I've seen it litterally a dozen times and every one is the same. They won't admitt to the problem untill they hit rock bottom and have nowhere to go but up.
When/if she gets clean and sober you'll have to live as a reformed drinker as well, weed will be a memory, a beer with your friends is out of the question (she'll smell it on you a mile away).
I wish you the greatest of luck, patients, and resolve (mostly resolve, you'll need it).

 

[7greeneyes]

Thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate it greatly. It's a day to day battle. Never realized she was a "project" when we started dating. I knew she had had substance abuse issues in her past, but that was it...Christmas was tough on her but awesome, just a great time with family and friends. When the last of my kidney function goes I'm going to have to stop smoking cannabis anyway because they'll deny me any transplants that come up, so I'm already prepping myself for that day But I'd rather live w/o weed then live on a machine forever because i failed a UA.